


Other Possibilities

by Hathor_girl



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Alternate Reality, Angst, Drama, Episode Related, F/M, Romance, Tok'ra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-21
Updated: 2011-05-21
Packaged: 2017-10-19 16:17:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 24,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/202799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hathor_girl/pseuds/Hathor_girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When SG-1 are kept prisoners after meeting the Tok'ra, they manage to flee, except Sam who is left with the now hostile Tok'ra. How does she get them to trust her - and what should she do about her growing feelings for Martouf and Lantash? AU Tok'ra I&II</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Text in ~ is internal dialogue. Text in bold is symbiote speaking.

"I'm sorry. We will try to make you as comfortable as possible."

That's what Garshaw said, and nothing we suggested could convince her to let us go. Part of me understands, as I carry Jolinar's memories - no one knows how much is there. All? I can potentially risk the entire Tok'ra resistance if the Goa'uld get their hands on me.

That does not change the fact I am heart-broken to think of my dad, dying while I'm not there and he's thinking I've turned my back on him, like Mark has. I even wanted to suggest my dad as a host to Selmak - both to save his life and to maybe make increase our chances of getting an alliance with the Tok'ra.

But the Colonel would not agree to it. He won't risk letting the Tok'ra get the extra information my dad has, considering they won't let us all leave as a sign of good faith.

So here we sit. Waiting. While my dad dies. I feel devastated. Angry. I refuse to cry in front of everyone, but there is no where private to go - the guards won't let me.

O'Neill is planning with SG-3 and Daniel and Teal'c to fight our way out.

I refuse to take part in that. It feels as if I know all these people...Tok'ra. As if they are long-time friends. I cannot betray them. Cannot risk their lives. Can I betray my team-mates and warn the Tok'ra? No, I can't do that either, but I won't be part of fighting the Tok'ra. I told O'Neill. He looked at me as if I was insane.

As if I had _already_ betrayed him and Earth.

"Carter..." O'Neill calls.

"Yes, sir." I walk to them, to see what they have decided. I dread it.

"You don't wanna harm these snakes, and I guess, neither do I - if it's at all possible not to. However, I won't accept staying here as a prisoner - and we need to get you home to your dad in time." He whispers.

"Yes?" I answer, as quitely.

"We have another plan. One that hopefully won't risk anyones life. We'll take one of the Tok'ra prisoner. Someone important, like Garshaw, or that Selmak fellow. I'm sure they won't risk attacking us if we've got one of their belowed leaders."

"I'm...not sure that's the case, sir. The Tok'ra are willing to die for their cause. It's much more likely whomever you capture will tell their friends to shoot anyway."

"Listen, you don't wan't us to harm the 'friendly' snakes, this is the way we're doing it."

I sigh. "What do you want me to do?"

"We need a diversion. Since you've got the memories of good old Jolinar in your head, you should be able to come up with something to say or do that'll get the guards to look away while we snatch someone and hopefully get some way away before we're discovered."

I look at the very alert guards. The room we're in aren't that far away from the Tok'ra healers rooms, if I remember correctly. Perhaps we could pretend to be sick and have them take us there? Perhaps...I suggest it to O'Neill.

"Great. Good idea. Danny-boy?" O'Neill looks at Daniel.

"Huh?"

"You're sick."

"Oh." He rubs the bridge of his nose. "OK." He walks over to the water and pretends to wash his face with it, then moans and stumbles to the nearest chair. He does a nice job, actually. I'm almost convinced.

Two of the guards go to check on him, and he tells them he suddenly started having bad stomach cramps. They help him out of the room, towards the infirmary, and O'Neill follows, insisting on keeping an eye on him so they don't 'snake' him. Offended, they allow it.

Immediately, I go to the two other guards present. Luck has it I recognize them.

"You're Zorak, right? And you're Nilpar."

"Yes." They both agree, look first at each others, then me, in confusion.

"I suddenly remembered. You knew Jolinar."

Zorak nods. "Yes, we all did."

"You really remember the names of us?" Nilpar says. "What else do you remember about the Tok'ra?"

I chat with them for a little while, slowly leading them away from the general area we have been kept prisoners in. Not far, but enough that when Zorak suddenly realises and turns to check, we see all the prisoners are gone.

"Alarm! Tok'ra, kree!"

Nilpar grabs me while Zorak runs to find out what has happened and alert the base. Before I can try to wrestle myself loose from his grip, Martouf shows up. He takes in the scenario for a moment, then his eyes flash and Lantash grab hold of me, hard.

"I will keep an eye on this one. Go find the others!"

Lantash holds me in a hard grip, so very different from the gentle man I talked with in the desert. Yes, most of the time it was Martouf, but Lantash seemed nice and kind then too.

Of course, right now he believes I have betrayed him and his people - and what is worst, he is correct. I feel a strange pain in my heart to know he is disappointed with me. It must be horrible, after having just learned his mate of a 100 years is dead, and then the woman carrying what is left of her, betrays him. I feel so ashamed I don't even fight him - of course, being this close to him triggers a steady flow of Jolinar's memories, not making it any easier.

He leads me away from the area and towards a holding cell, where he deposits me.

This was not how it was supposed to go! I was supposed to get free from the guard and meet the others, then flee with them. I can't do that now!

Of course, that is not how it was supposed to go either. We were supposed to ally with the Tok'ra! I wonder if that is even still possible.

* * *

Some time later, I hear a lot of noise, but no one shows up to explain anything. More time passes, then Martouf and Lantash returns. He turns off the forcefield and grabs me again, pushing me out and in front of him.

"You're going home. We're evacuating."

"What? Why? And where's my friends?"

"The Goa'uld System Lords have found us - no doubt your people have betrayed our location. The other Tau'ri escaped, taking Selmak as a hostage." Martouf's voice is hard and cold as ice. There is an suppressed venom in it which wasn't there before - or perhaps Lantash talked before because he was calmer? No, I _know_ Martouf is the calm one - I can remember it, so it is likely because of this recent development. I should count my blessings it is Martouf and not Lantash who is in control.

"I'm sorry for that - that they took a hostage. But they would _never_ tell the System Lords about your location. We fight the Goa'uld - just like you do. We really should be allies - if you would just show some compassion..."

"We'll never ally with scum like you! Compassion! Saroosh is old and frail - she will not survive much longer, and your kind took her away from her friends! Her family! Now she - and Selmak - will die alone on your world!"

As we spoke, Martouf has lead me towards the ring transporters. I suddenly remember something.

"Wait! I can't go home unless I get the GDO...the...it's a device we use to signal that they should open the iris put up before our Stargate. If I don't send that signal, I will be squashed against the iris."

"How does this...GDO look?" I describe it for him. He turns to a nearby Tok'ra and asks him about it. "You friends took all their equipment - including those...GDOs."

I feel frozen with fear. Without one of those I can't go home.

"Then I can't go home!"

He looks uncertain for a moment. "Then you will have to come with us." He gives me another push and suddenly we're standing in the middle of the rings. We are taken to the surface, and Martouf takes hold of my arm and we walk towards the Stargate.

"Don't you have - uh, something you need to pack? I mean, if you're evacuating?"

"I already did. Come."

We walk through the Stargate, and out on the other side. I am still wondering what happened to my team-mates. How could they just leave me like that? Is Martouf speaking the truth? Did they really abandon me? Perhaps they intend to come back, with more force? But by then we will no longer be there. We have moved to another world. One which the SGC does not know of. Will I never again be able to go home? Will I always be a prisoner?

And what did they tell my dad? Is he already dead? I feel a deep pain inside. How did this happen? How could it have gone so wrong? And what about Selmak and Saroosh? Are they dead too? I doubt they could survive for long, with the way they looked - and being hauled away and through the Stargate can't have made it better.

"What will happen to me?"

Martouf looks coldly at me. "That is for the Council to decide. You have betrayed the Tok'ra. We had decided to be merciful and let you leave and go home, but if you cannot do that, then I do not know what can be done."

"We do know some other planets - some people we are friends with. Could you let me go there?"

"No. You cannot be permitted to do so. You carry Jolinar's memories. We need to know how much you can potentially give up about us first."

I nod, dazed. Martouf leads me to another set of rings, down into a similar tunnel system that is still only partially built. I am then taken to a quickly built holding cell and placed there.


	2. Chapter 2

It is late evening. I have been given something to eat and drink, but none of the Tok'ra have had the time to visit me and talk to me otherwise. Lonely, misearable, I lie down on the simple bunk and pull the blanket over me. Sleep does not come easily, but finally I drift off.

Having been exhausted, emotionally mostly, I sleep late. When I wake, Martouf appear as if from no where, bringing me a tray with food and drink. I wonder if they are watching me? He speaks little, but he does not seem to have had a good night. He stands in a corner, waiting for me to finish, mostly looking down, a sad look on his face. I guess he is thinking of his mate, Jolinar, and that she is dead. He still seems to be angry at me for betraying the Tok'ra - him. I'm not sure what he had expected, but thinking back, I realised that his somber mood had lifted when he realised I carried Jolinar's emotions - and memories.

Likely he felt that with me, not all of his mate was gone. I'm sure having me betray his people felt like a stab to his heart - not only did the stranger he had dared trust betray them, but despite me feeling how Jolinar felt for him, I had betrayed the Tok'ra. _Him_. It must feel a little as if Jolinar might have betrayed him. As if her feelings weren't really that strong for him. I can see how bad it must hurt. I wish there was something I could say that would reassure him.

"Martouf..." I say.

He looks at me, the cold expression back. "Yes?"

I almost loose the nerve. "Listen...I'm really sorry things turned out this way. We truly _did_ want to ally with your peop..."

His eyes flash. " **Quiet!** " Lantash glares at me. " **I will not listen to your pathetic excuses, Tau'ri!** "

Somehow, his anger hurt. Way more than it should. I have just met him - why does it matter to me what he thinks of me? "What now?" I ask.

" **I will take you to the cleaning area, if you wish to bathe. Then it will be determined how many of Jolinar's memories you carry, and if you are a threat or can be freed.** "

I nod. A bath would be nice - and a trip to the facilities. I tell him, and he takes me there, picking up clean clothing for me in some kind of commisary on the way.

* * *

"Eh, aren't you gonna leave while I bathe?" I ask him.

Martouf look like he doesn't understand my question. "It is my duty to guard you."

"Yeah, but can't you do that _outside_ the room?"

Suddenly he seems to understand. "You have problems with nudity in your culture?" I nod. "I will wait outside then."

Relieved, I undress quickly and slide down into the water. The pools aren't that private, so I really hope no one else feels like bathing right now.

No one comes, though, and soon I am clean, dry, and dressed in clean - if different - clothing. The underwear is pretty standard, but I have been given some kind of dress to wear, which I don't usually. It fits me well, though. The material is soft and silky, and a nice blue colour, complementing my eyes nicely I see in the mirror in the room. I put on the flat, matching shoes, run a comb through my still damp hair, and then dump my dirty clothing in a container that Martouf said is for that.

"I'm ready." I say, and he enters again. For a moment I see the appreciation in his eyes. He clearly likes this clothes for me. Then the cold expression is back, like a mask.

"Good. We will go to my room for some privacy."

I feel myself blush. "Uh...privacy? You don't seem to have much of it here."

"We have nothing to hide for each other. However, no one will enter. They know I will be examining your memories."

Now that sounds ominous! "How will you do that? And why you?"

"With a memory recall device. And since I know Jolinar best, I am the logical choice to determine if you carry enough of her memories - and can access them - to be a threat for the Tok'ra, if you are allowed to leave. Also, I have been tasked with looking after you while you stay here, since..." He hesistates, almost looks shy, "...since you are considered to be my responsibility." He says. He looks as if it was something else he was going to say.

I wonder what? And why am I his responsibility? Because he was the one to say they could trust me, there in the desert when we arrived? Or because of what I carry from Jolinar? Because I was host to his mate? I have a sudden flash of her memories - something about the new host of one's mate becoming one's mate as well, unless one explicitly states not to want it. I feel myself blush. Did he hope for that? Did he perhaps even say that to the Council, or however this is done? Is _that_ why I am his responsibility, because he had wanted to claim me as a mate? I decide it's better not to think any further about this.

I follow him to his room. It is nice, and I am suddenly hit by a very strong sense of familiarity, followed by a flash of memories from Jolinar.

 _"Beloved...we were so terribly worried. It has been so long..."_

 _**"My sweet Martouf and Lantash. You always worry so. Rosha and I can take care of ourselves. You know this.** _ _" I tell him._

 _I lean forward and kiss him, slowly moving my lips against his. He responds for a moment, returning the kiss - then suddenly he freeze and pull away._

Suddenly I realize what I am doing, I am actually kissing Martouf! Reacting to a memory from Jolinar. I quickly step back, blushing furiously. He look at me, uncomprehendingly. Angry?

"I...I am sorry..." I stammer. "I though...I..." I look down and away. "That I was Jolinar. I don't know..."

He sighs. All traces of anger are gone. "Have this happened before?" He asks, softly.

I nod. "Yes, though never this strongly. It was as if I was back here, with you...I...I mean, as if I was Jolinar, and I had just returned from some mission..."

He is quiet for a moment. "This may be harder than expected for you." For both of us, his eyes say.

"How does this memory recall device work?" I ask, trying to change the subject slightly.

"Sit down." He points to the bed. He pulls a small table closer, with some kind of device on it. He goes to a dresser and picks up two small items. A kind of round device and a longer thingie. "There will be a moments pain." He tells me.

I nod, sitting on the bed. It is large, for a one person bed. Actually, it is just like it was in my memories from Jolinar. He probably had it all made the same way for sentimental reasons.

He gently pushes my hair aside with warm, pleasant fingers. Then he puts the disc-like thing to my head and it activates, sinking something into me, deep. I cry out.

"Sorry." He adjust something with the other device, obviously used to control it. "Please try to relax."

I crawl up into the bed. He takes the pillow and putting it behind my back and I lean against it and the wall behind it. "OK, I'm ready, I guess - just one question."

"Yes?"

"This place looks so very familiar - I realise it is because of Jolinar, since I've never been here before, but how can that be? I mean, these tunnels and this room was constructed not two days ago."

He nod. "We construct everything in the same pattern, including the interior. The Tok'ra learned a long time ago it is more relaxing and pleasant for everyone."

"Like it really is a home, despite you having to flee often?"

"Yes. A...kind of stability in an otherwise often chaotic life."

I nod. "Sensible."

"I will turn the device on now. We will be able to see everything on this." He points to the larger device on the table. "Since it can be very difficult to control and stear which memories you access, some may be of a very... _private_ type, so I have assured no one will disturb us. He turns the device on and a kind of holographic screen appears above the larger device. It is actually fascinating, and I would like study the technology behind it. "Now, try to focus on Jolinar's memories." He say.


	3. Chapter 3

"We'll take a break." Martouf says, turning off the device.

I nod, exhausted. We have been at it for maybe two hours, but it feels much longer. Most of the time, I have managed to stay on Jolinar's memories, and rarely have any of my own interfered. It is strange - and exhausting. Whenever I experience a memory, it is not just like a memory - with the device on, I am reliving it. As if I am there, right now. I can see things, hear people, smell flowers, people, food...whatever. Feel it, _physically_ \- which isn't pleasant when it's a torture situation. Martouf is good a getting me out of these quickly, though, or turning down the effect on the device for a little while, until the moment passes.

The cynical part tells me it's because he can't stand seeing the torture his beloved experienced. Part of me hopes it is (also) because he feels sorry for me. Because he wants to protect me. He does not seem to be angry at me any more. He has been quietly supportive during most of this, saying little, and only when it is needed to gently lead me back on track.

He looks at me, a concerned expression. He looks cute - and very sad. This must be very hard on him too. Some of the memories have been..um...very _personal_. I am glad no one else is seeing them. I feel a bit embarrassed, but the rational part of me tells me that if anyone should be embarrassed, it should be him. _I_ am the outsider in this - he was _there_ during those love scenes. Those _passionate_ love scenes.

Yes, I am envious of a dead symbiote. Martouf - and Lantash - are great lovers. I wonder how he feels about me knowing these intimate details about him. Knowing _precisely_ how it likes to be touched. The sounds he make when...with a great amount of will power I pull my thoughts away from the direction they are heading, grateful the device is turned off, as it would otherwise have shown him my forbidden thoughts about him. I don't want him to know. I don't want him to be angry again. I am so very happy that he no longer is angry with me. That he is at least showing compassion for me again. That he is the sweet, shy, kind man again, the one who held my hand in the desert. The sweet, handsome man...my heart beats faster as I steal a glance at him.

Suddenly, I realise I am falling for him! I close my eyes. This is not happening! I am _so_ not falling in love with a man who is host to a Tok'ra - a being who is the same as the Goa'uld, just with different philosophies! I shake my head.

"Captain Carter? _Samantha_?" He asks, concerned.

It is the first time he used my first name, and I love how it sounds when he says it. Strange. I never like being called Samantha, but I love hearing him say it.

"I'm OK. Just a little tired."

"Would you like something to eat?"

"Yes..." I realise I am starving. "I'm actually very hungry."

He smiles. "Then let us go to the mess hall and eat. It is almost time for noon meal."

We go to grab some food, then sit together, talking. It is nice to just talk with him. He asks about my home planet, and I tell him. So many things are different, and he laughs at some of my stories about funny things that has happened. It lightens the mood between us. I love the sound of his laughter. It is wonderful. Contagious, like his smile. The other Tok'ra give us strange glances, but I don't care. I guess I'm not popular around here right now, and I guess I can understand. After all, my team mates abducted one of their most important leaders - while she was dying. I can't blame them for holding that against me - especially since I obviously assisted them.

* * *

"What will you tell the Council? I mean, about me? Do you think I am a danger to the Tok'ra?" I ask. We have spent another two hours with the recall device, and Martouf has thankfully decided it is enough for today.

He doesn't answer at first. "Samantha...I'm not sure if you have all of Jolinar's memories, but you do have a great many of them. We have looked at glimpses of many different missions - and...ah... _other_ situations..." He blushes briefly, and he looks adorably shy. "And to be honest, I think Jolinar somehow deposited all or most of her memories in your mind. Thankfully, you cannot access them easily, or you would no longer be you."

"What do you mean?"

"Jolinar is... _was_ so much older than you. More than 2000 years old. The amount of memories would completely swamp you if you could access them. Your own memories would be inconsequensial compared to that."

I understand what he is saying. If the memories were not - for some reason, perhaps due to how they were put in - hard to access, then I would be mostly _her_. "I understand."

"What I do not believe you understand, is that going through the memories like this - it is moving the memories to the actively accessible ones. If we continue too long, you will... _change_."

"I think I already have - I mean, before I came here. I've noticed things...likes and dislikes that've changed, and such. Other things too. My personality has changed, at least in some things."

He nods. "It only confirms my suspicion. I will tell the Council that it would be wrong exposing you to more of this. I have already seen enough to know that you _would_ be a threat to the Tok'ra - and a threat for yourself - if you were to be allowed to go."

" _What_!" I stare at him. "I have to stay _here_? You don't trust me?"

He hesitates for a moment. "Actually, I do. I realise you did what you had to do, when you helped your team-mates. You wanted to get home to see your father before he died. I can understand that. Samantha, I have come to respect you. You are a very special person. You have great strength."

I feel embarrassed, and blushes a little. "Thanks...but why won't you let me go then?"

"It has nothing to do with trust. You carry memories from Jolinar, which could be very dangerous for the Tok'ra, if the Goa'uld got to them."

"I would _never_ betray you!"

"Not willingly." Martouf bows his head, and Lantash looks up shortly after.

" **You do not understand what the Goa'uld can do. They have ways to make anyone talk. A Tok'ra can protect its host - or kill itself and its host, if it should be necessary.** **An unblended human** **does not have that. More than that - the Goa'uld can make you a host, and the symbiote can just take what it wants from your brain. And it** _ **will**_ **be able to access what you cannot.** "

I feel a cold fear down my spine at the thought of that. Lantash is correct. The Goa'uld very well might do that, if they realise I carry these memories. So, I would be a threat to the Tok'ra - and to myself, in the sense that I might be caught because of the memories and made a host. Damn. "Can't I...uh...hide the memories from the symbiote? Block them somehow, with training? I've seen hosts fight with symbiotes - and win, if only for a little while." I say, desperate.

Lantash shakes his head. " **No. A human cannot stop a symbiote from seeing and taking all the** **knowledge it wants. I assure you, it is biologically impossible for a human to fight or stop a fully mature symbiote - either from taking control or from going through their mind. What you saw must have been a symbiote that had been given a host before it was fully mature.** "

I nod. "I guess you'd know."

" **Yes. Unfortunately, I am biologically the same as a Goa'uld, though I would never do the things they do, even if I can.** "

"So, I stay."

" **Yes. At least for now.** "

Lantash gives control back to Martouf. We go to the mess hall to pick up a mug of a kind of sweet tea they have. On the way back, we pass Cordesh in the tunnels. I suddenly have a flash of memories again.


	4. Chapter 4

Unbelieving, I stare at the small screen in front of Cronus. He doesn't know I've entered the room yet, and is talking to someone. Getting some information.

~It's Cordesh!~

~ **Yes...Rosha, it is! He is a traitor!** ~ I feel pain in my chest.

Quietly, I turn around and try to leave without being heard. I only get part of the way to the door when Cronus calls out for me, blocking my view from the communication ball, but not turning it off.

" **Lord Kavok...was there something you wanted?** "

I swirl around, trying to put on a neutral expression, with just a hint of arrogance.

" **My Lord. I wished to report the success in the battle against Olokun. We have taken the planet and he has admitted defeat. He will ally with you, if you wish it.** "

" **Good. I will handle this later. Leave me. I have more important matters to attend to.** "

I bow deeply. " **Yes, my Lord.** " I flee from the room as fast as I can without appearing suspicious.

~Jolinar, do you think Cordesh has told him we are Tok'ra? Does he even know we are here?

~ **He does now.** ~ I worry about the same as Rosha. Cordesh almost certainly heard me, recognized me. Will he tell Cronus? Betray me, a fellow Tok'ra? But he is obviously no longer Tok'ra. He is collaborating with Cronus! Did Cronus realise I saw Cordesh? Will Cordesh realise? Will he decide to betray me to save his own skin. **~We need to flee. Quickly.** ~ I tell Rosha.

* * *

"Samantha?" Martouf looks at me with a worried expression as I slowly come back from the past. "What happened? Was it a memory flash again?"

I nod, slowly. "Yes." I throw a glance in the direction Cordesh left in. He is gone, but he must not know! He is a traitor! I swallow. "Martouf...I need to talk to you. In private."

He wrinkles his brow, but nods. "We will go to my quarters immediately."

"No...I mean, completely private. No one must be able to spy on us." I whisper.

He looks a bit hurt. "You can trust the Tok'ra. We have no secrets for each other, but they will not spy on us. They will respect our wish for privacy."

"Please...it is important." I almost beg.

He sighs and seems to consider. "I shall inform the Council I am taking you outside for a walk. I will tell them you are not used to being below ground for so long, and needs some fresh air...or something."

"Thank you."

* * *

We walk in silence for some time. This, too, is a desert planet, much like that first one we found the Tok'ra on. For a moment I am taken back to that day.

"Samantha...what was it you wanted to talk about? I do not believe we _actually_ went out here because you wanted fresh air."

I smile. "No - though it _is_ pleasant. Actually, I lived on base most of the time on Earth, and that was far underground. The Tok'ra tunnels are actually preferrably. The food is better too." I really don't know how to say this. Will he believe me? Will he get angry? Think I am going to betray them again?

"What then?"

I take a deep breath. "When Cordesh passed us in the tunnel...I got a memory flash from Jolinar. I...I was standing...I mean _Jolinar_ was standing in Cronus's room. She had come to report on some military victory..."

"Yes." Martouf looks solemn. "She was undercover at his court just before fleeing from the ashrak. It was...her last mission."

I put a hand on his arm. He looks so terribly sad and my heart weeps for him. I so very much wish to embrace him, comfort him. Kiss him. I shake off the feeling.

"I... _she_ saw he was talking to someone...on one of those...eh, long-range tele-thingies. Martouf...it was Cordesh!"

" _What_! Impossible!" He look at me, disbelief clear. "Cordesh is a loyal Tok'ra!"

"He may have been, but that doesn't change the fact that he was talking to Cronus! I...relived Jolinar and Rosha talking about it. They worried Cronus had noticed Jolinar saw Cordesh. That Cordesh heard her, told Cronus about her...she fled shortly after, but the ashrak was after her almost immediately, and I now realise it was Cronus who sent him. It was Cordesh who betrayed her! I am certain! It was his fault the base other Tok'ra base was attacked, and since he's still here, it may be again!"

Martouf's eyes flash. " **If that is the case, he shall** _ **pay**_ **for the death of our mates! I will** _ **personally**_ **squeeze the life out of the treasonous snake**!" Lantash spat.

Just then we heard someone shout behind us and we turned to see a Tok'ra guard running towards us. I think his name is Sokh - I remember almost all their names after the sessions with the memory recall device.

" **Martouf! You must come back immediately! We are evacuating again! The System Lords are coming!** "

Lantash grab my arm and we start running. It is not long before we are down in the tunnels again. " **If what you said is the truth, we will not be safe after the evacuation. Cordesh may already have given the new coordinates to the Goa'uld.** " Lantash whispered. " **We must talk to some of the other members of the Council. Garshaw can be trusted for certain.** "

He quickly takes me to Garshaw, and I relate my story to her. She gets furious. She does not want to believe, but she agrees there must be a traitor. She tells guards to hold Cordesh and search him and his room - but to continue with the evacuation.


	5. Chapter 5

Much has happened the last several hours. They found a long range communications device among Cordesh's things, and he confessed. A new base planet was choosen and the Tok'ra has relocated there. Cordesh has been extracted and killed in a vanishing tunnel, much to Lantash chagrin, who wanted to kill him with his own hands. Cordesh's poor host was innocent, but felt guilty, and killed himself. The Tok'ra are mourning him - and what Cordesh was before he was turned, however that happened.

The Tok'ra are no longer angry at me, grateful I found the traitor for them. I am much relieved. This does not mean they trust me yet, but that has more to do with the fact that I am an unknown factor. Since I carry Jolinar's memories, they will not let me leave, so unless we can contact Earth again and I can somehow get them and the Tok'ra to agree on an alliance, then I will likely stay here for the forseeable future. Right now, my best chance at ever being allowed to leave the base, is to become a host, and I'm not sure I am ready for that - if I ever will be.

It is early evening. I am considering going to bed early - it's not like I have anywhere to go, anything to do, or anyone to talk to - except Martouf and Lantash, who, like all the other Tok'ra, are busy putting their few possessions up in their room again and somehow getting everything to look the same again. Home. I can understand their need for it. It is a hard life they are living.

Home. I miss the SGC, but part of me also feel at home here. The part of me that is Jolinar. I am confused. I very much want to go home - but I also want to stay.

I know why. I am falling in love with Martouf and Lantash. I realise part of it is from Jolinar, because when I am with them, the feelings are overwhelming, and they shouldn't be this intense already, should they? I want to hug them, kiss them, push them down on a bed and have my way with them. I blush at the thought.

Does it matter where the feelings originated? If I am honest, Martouf - and Lantash - have many qualities I like. Martouf is sweet and kind, good looking, intelligent, wise, generally very patient...Lantash is more passionate, less patient - much less patient, sometimes fiery, but he is also a sweet and kind person, and very intelligent, when he is not allowing his temper to rule him. His fire scares me - and attracts , they are incredibly sexy. They are somehow the sweet and good guy you can take home to your parents, combined with the bad, dangerous guy that you can feel a forbidden attraction to. And then, they are both dedicated to fighting a self-less, dangerous battle for the good of the Galaxy. On top of that, I have Jolinar's memories of their... _prowess_...and oh, god. They are _wonderful_ lovers, thoughtful, passionate, talented...I feel my heart beat faster and heat got to my loins, as I relieve a memory from my former symbiote.

How can I _not_ want them?

Yes, I know. Martouf is from a completely different culture - born on another planet. But he seems very willing to be tolerant of other customs. Lantash is not even human - or _humanoid_. He is the same species as the Goa'uld, and it should scare me.

It doesn't. If anything, living here with the Tok'ra show me that the symbiotes are very much like we are. Their dreams, desires, wants, feelings...very, very human. And when Lantash flashes his eyes, when he talks with that deep, reverbating voice...a part of me is very attracted to him. Yes, it may be embarrassing, but I must admit I find it sexy. His voice make me weak in my knees and wet between my legs.

I should be ashamed of myself for wanting him like this. He has just learned that his beloved, his mate of a hundred years, has been killed. He very often looks so sad that my heart is breaking for him. They mourn, both of them.

And while it was an ashrak that killed Jolinar - and Rosha, if I remember correctly - we, the SGC, cannot completely claim innocense in this. Yes, we didn't know she was Tok'ra, but if nothing else, we failed to protect a prisoner of war until we could ascertain if she could be trusted.

How can Martouf and Lantash ever forgive that? They _must_ blame us. Blame me, in some way. If they do not, they are more forgiving than any I have ever met. More rational, understanding. Almost saints.

No, I cannot tell them of my feelings. Ever.

I go to bed, but sleep does not come easy. It is late before I finally doze off.

* * *

Days go by, and become weeks, then months. I am no longer kept in a holding cell, but has been given my own room. The Tok'ra trust me - to a degree, at least. I am allowed to walk on my own in the tunnels, but I am not allowed to go everywhere. I am not allowed to go to the surface on my own, but what would I do there? I know there are guards somewhere near the Stargate, so I would never get to it. Besides, where would I go? My team-mates took all out weapons, radios, and GDOs, so I can't go to Earth, or even contact Earth. There are no where else I can safely go either, if I could remember the gate addresses. I can remember a fair amount, but those all go to places where I would be worse off.

Martouf is still officially in charge of me, and I also don't want him to get in trouble, if I tried to escape. He spends time with me regularly, and that is nice. Sometimes we walk on the surface, but usually we sit and talk - or play a game. From time to time other Tok'ra join in, and I have started to become - almost - friends with a few of them.

The first few days were worst, but now I have something to do, at least. I have been given permission to work with their scientists, on a few projects - mostly technology I already know about. I have told them a little about our technology as well, and the Tok'ra scientists are more interested than the Council. Our stuff may be primitive compared to what the Tok'ra have, but there are still some ideas they find fascinating, and maybe useful, if adapted.

I have taken to study the Tok'ra history - and that of the Goa'uld - as well. Daniel would love this stuff! The Tok'ra have collected history and intelligence from more than just the 2000 years they have existed, and there is so much knowledge here! I can almost forget how much I miss Earth and my friends.

Though not quite. I still think about them every say, and not knowing what happened to my dad is an open wound in my heart. I hope my friends were allowed to tell him - something. That he knew I thought of him, and would have visitied him if I could. But would I really have wanted him to spend his last time worrying about me? Was it better he thought I just didn't have time to visit? That is not something I want to think about.

I have finished todays work with the group of scientists I am assisting. It is not yet noon, but they will be working on something that I don't have clearing for the rest of the day, so I guess I will have the day off.

After a trip to the facilities, I decide to take an early lunch. I have barely entered the mess hall, before I spot Martouf, coming towards me. He is smiling, something he has started to do again, though he still often looks sad.

"Samantha." He greets me, then joins me at the counter, looking for what food to eat.

"Martouf...Lantash." I nod at them, smiling. My heart already starts to flutter, by just being close to them. I imagine I can feel the warmth from his body, smell his faint, masculine scent. I swallow and focus on putting food on my tray.

"I was told you had the afternoon off. Lantash and I are likewise unoccupied the rest of the day. Tomorrow, we leave on a longer mission, but today we though maybe you would like to get outside for some fresh air? You have been here more than three moon cycles, and only been outside a handful of times."

"Yes, absolutely. That is a wonderful idea."

He nods. "I thought maybe we could go to Marloon. You have mentioned several times remembering it from Jolinar, and it _is_ very beautiful. Would you like to see it?"

I think it is sweet he is willing to share this part of his past with Jolinar with me - and I would actually like to see the planet. Besides, I would probably be willing to go anywhere with him, just as long as I get to spend time with him.

What is wrong with me? I've never been the obsessive kind, nor the one to fall head over heals with anyone and be ready to follow him anywhere. I am far too controlled and cynical to believe in love conquering anything. Too much the scientist to let myself be swept away.

At least, that's how I've always been up until now. Or for a long time, at least. Didn't help that my one experience with love was a complete disappointment. Jonas - my once-fiancee - got pretty controlling pretty quick. The very young me _had_ fallen pretty hard for him, but I don't think he really loved me. I think it was just ego from his side - getting the girl no one else had been able to sway. He was older than me, and seemed to know the world, and wasn't a dope like many of my fellow students at the University. At least, that's what I thought. I remember how happy I was when he proposed. How romantic I thought it was that he wanted to 'wait until we were married'.

Then he had started to treat me like I was his servant. Deciding who I could see, where and when I could go. Wanting me to change my choice of career, because it wasn't something for a nice girl like me. After spending a long, tear-ful night thinking it over, I broke off the engagement. Jonas was so angry I thought he would hit me. He never did, but I think he would have, had not one of my friends come by to pick me up. I threw myself into studies, work, after that. Of course, Jonas joined the SGC too. I did my best to keep away from him, but one day we went on a mission to stop him. Jonas had finally shown his true colours and proclaimed himself a god over the people of a planet, and was working the population to death. I remember finally seeing I had been right to break off the engagement. How could I have been so wrong? Falling for someone who - for all intents and purposes - was like a Goa'uld?

I shake off these thoughts. They are the past. I look at Martouf, who is looking at me, some concern on his face because I haven't answered yet.

"Sorry, I was far away." I say. "I would love to go with you." I suddenly have an idea. "Why don't we make it a picnic?"

"Picnic?"

"Yeah, bring food and spend the rest of the day there?"

He smiles. "I think I would like that. I will ask for a basket for the food."

He leaves for the kitchen, and soon after returns with a pretty large basket. We fill it with various kinds of delicious food, and several bottles of fruit juice. There is room for plates and such as well.

"I will fetch a blanket. You should bring some kind of outerwear. Marloon is quite warm this time of the year, but it may become colder later today, and I would like to stay for the sunset. It is always very beautiful."

I nod, stunned at his talk about sunsets, and hurry to my room.

* * *

I am wearing simple pants and a shirt, as I often do here - I have never been fond of dresses. However...I look in my closet. The Tok'ra have supplied me with a wide variety of clothes, including several dresses. I take out one of them, running my hands over the soft silk-like material. It is a deep blue, much like the dress I wore one of the first days. I remember the look Martouf sent me - it was obvious he had liked it. I make a quick decision and change, putting on the dress.

I look at myself in the mirror in my room. The dress fits perfectly, enhancing my figure. The cut is a bit deeper than what I would usually wear, but it is by no means indecent. I put on the belt and slip on a pair of leather sandals, made of a mesh of soft leather strips. I run my hands through my short hair, almost wishing it was longer - or that I had the gold necklace I have inherited from my mother. I sigh, happy with how I look. I hope Martouf - and Lantash - will approve.

I grab a cloak in a matching, deeper blue colour and hurry to meet Martouf at the rings.

"Samantha. You look...stunning." He smiles at me, his gaze slowly sliding from my feet over my body to my face.

"Thanks." I blush a little under his intense scrutiny. He very obviously approves.

I join him, stepping into the middle of the ring transporter. He stands very close to me, as he pushes the small control unit he carries. The rings come down and moments later we are on the surface.

We walk to the the Stargate in silence. Martouf nods at the guards before he enters the address to Marloon, and we step through.


	6. Chapter 6

It is a beautiful planet! Just beside the Stargate area, there is a lush forest, with pale green leaves and flowers. Birds are singing and I hear insects humming. It is late spring, and quite warm and pleasant. Martouf smile at me and lead me through the forest. We take a road that go through only the outher part, and we soon exit to a beach. That explains the sound of waves I heard shortly after stepping through the wormhole.

It is a perfect beach, with soft sand stretching as far as the eye can see in both directions. The sand is not white, but a pale, golden-red colour. Along the beach are palm trees, and exotic looking flowers and bushes are everywhere. The ocean is relatively calm today, and the waves of the very blue sea is rolling in. I have never seen so pretty a sight, and the ocean is a very beautiful blue colour, the sky a paler blue.

I instantly remember Martouf telling me Rosha's eyes are the colour of the oceans of Marloon, and I know it is true. I see her for me, in a short flash. She was so beautiful. Does he really think I look like her? I guess I can see the resemblance, but she was much more beautiful than I am.

I understand this was a very special place for Rosha, Jolinar, Martouf, and Lantash, and I feel honoured that they will take me here and show me the place.

Martouf place the basket with food behind some rocks to keep it in shadow, though it also contains a Tok'ra version of a cooling unit, so the food will be fine. We slowly walk along the beach, talking about everything and nothing. It is one of the most enjoyable days I can remember having since I was a little child and out on trips with my brother and parents. Better, because I am walking close beside one, no _two_ men I am fast falling very much in love with.

We walk back to the basket and Martouf spreads out a large blanket, then begins putting out food and drink. We eat from the various types of delicious food, and drink sweet, refreshing fruit juice, and generally have a wonderful time. While Martouf puts the rest of the food and the plates and cutlery aside, I realise I haven't thought about Earth and my team-mates for the whole day. It is the first time. I feel bad for a moment, having forgotten about them, but I have enjoyed this very much. I really hope the mission Martouf is going on is not too long - or dangerous - I want to come back here soon, and I tell him. He is very clearly pleased.

As the sun is sinking in the sky, Martouf takes out a bottle of a Tok'ra sweet, but refreshing sparkling wine, which he must have stashed in the basket while I was changing my clothing before we left.

"This is a favourite drink of mine, which we sometimes brought to drink here. I hope you will like it." He smiles warmly at me, and hands me a glass. I accept it.

"Thanks." I smile at him, then touch the glass to his with a small 'clink'. "Cheers." I take a sip from the wine, and it is very good. The bubbles tickles my tongue.

Curious, Martouf look at the glass, then me. "What is the significance of touching the glasses to each other? Or asking me to cheer?"

I giggle. "It is called a toast. I guess it is done for good luck, or something. Not really sure, it's an Earth thing, probably. And 'cheers' is what you say when you toast."

Martouf nods, but doesn't seem to understand. He drinks from his glass. "Cheer...s." He says, afterwards.

I giggle again, louder now, then give him a kiss on the cheek. "You're cute!"

"I did it wrong." He concludes, but he smiles anyway, looking a bit shy over my kiss.

"It doesn't matter." I shrug and take another drink from my glass. It tastes great, and it is really going to my head. "How strong is this stuff?" It doesn't taste that strong, but...

"If you mean alcoholic content, then it is quite...'strong'. It takes a lot to get a Tok'ra drunk."

"I didn't even think you _could_ get drunk!" I look at him in disbelief. "Don't you filter it out?"

Martouf bowed his head, and Lantash took over. " **We can get drunk, especially if we decide not to filter out the alcohol. Otherwise it takes...quite a lot. However, our alcoholic beverages are strong, to make up for this fact. We did not consider that - perhaps we should not have brought the wine. You will be much more easily affected.** "

"Oh, yeah." I giggle. "I'm affected all right - not that I mind." I smile at him, happily.

He nods, looking thoughtful and takes another sip of the wine.

It is still warm, and the extra cloak is not needed, instead I move a little closer to Lantash, leaning a bit against him, hoping I am not being too forward. He clearly doesn't mind, though, as he puts an arm around me. We sit like that, close together, slowly sippin gour wine, as the sun begins to set. It is very beautiful and I tell him.

"Lantash...Martouf...it was a great idea going here." I say, feeling happy. "I have never seen a more romantic sight." It's true - I am not normally the sentimental, romantic type, but right now it is really getting me. I snuggle closer to him.

" **It is very aestetically pleasing, yes.** " Lantash murmurs in a low, sexy voice, close to my ear. " **But it pales compared to you...** " He puts his glass away and envelops me in his arms, pulling me closer.

I feel almost a shudder of pleasure down my spine at his voice, his words, and at his proximity. I distantly notice I am probably quite drunk, and I normally wouldn't behave like this, but right now I don't care. Gone are my decision not to let him now of my feelings for him. I put my empty glass down as far away as possible, so as not to risk breaking it, then turn towards Lantash. The sun is almost down now, but there is enough light to see the desire in his eyes. A desire which mirrors mine.

Throwing caution completely out the window, I kiss him, boldly. After mere moments of hesitation, he returns the kiss. It is soft and gentle at first, but quickly growing in passion. He begins sliding his hands over my back, and I embrace him, touching him, annoyed at the thick, hard material of his uniform. I want to feel his skin under my fingers!

His hands slowly caress my back, sides, shoulders, then down my back again, fondling my ass. I moan into his mouth, then deepen the kiss, tangling my tongue with his. We kiss for several minutes before he pulls back, and when he speak, Martouf has taken control.

"Samantha..." He says, hoarsely. "Are you sure...this is what you..."

I don't allow him to finish, but silence him with a searing kiss. He gasps into my mouth and return the kiss, his hands urgently touching me _everywhere_. Back, ass, breasts... He push me down on the blanket, his eyes flashing as Lantash takes over again. Pressing their body against me, I feel the hardness of his arousal, and it makes my desire burn even brighter. I want him. _Now_. I start tearing at his clothing, and he complies, quickly removing it. I cannot stop myself from staring, admiring his strong, lean body. I raise myself a little, opening my belt and pulling off my dress. He looks at me with an expression as if he wants to devour me with his eyes. I look into the smoldering fire burning in his eyes, then my eyes slide over his chest. I want to kiss him, bite him, mark him as mine.

I look further down, and he follows my gaze. He is still wearing his underpants, and I look at the large bulge in them. Under my gaze he smirks and takes off the last piece of clothing. I make a small gasp as I see him, finally naked. His shaft if of an impressive length and girth - and very hard, my scientific mind absently notices. Part of me is nervous he won't fit - and I curse my lack of experience. A larger part of me want him too much to care about anything, and that is the part that quickly wins.

He studies me with a lustful expression, observing as I remove my bra and my panties, clearly approving of my appearence. Suddenly I can't bear to wait any longer.

"Martouf...Lantash... _please_...I want you." I beg, shamelessly.

He immediately lies down over me again, naked, his body pressing against me. I throw my arms around him, pull him as close to me as ever possible, kissing him, kissing his throat, nibbling on his shoulder. His skin feels smooth and pleasant under my fingers as I slide them over his back. Lantash fondles my breasts, kisses them, sucks at the nipples, strokes me down over my stomach...and I make a small shriek as he suddenly places his thumb on my clit. Circling it with his fingers, he then strokes the sensitive nub, rubbing his fingers in my wetness. Gently thrusting himself against my hip, trying to control his own desire, wanting to pleasure me.

I have never wanted anything so badly in my life as I want him right now. I thrust against his fingers, rub against them. My hands touch him everywhere, finally taking a gentle hold of his manhood and begin to pump it. He groans into my mouth and thrusts against my hand. Suddenly, unable to wait any longer, he spread me with his fingers and thrusts into me, sinking deeply.

I give a small yelp as he penetrates me, but the pain is less than what I had feared. Realising, he kisses me, holds still for a moment, giving me a chance to get used to him. The pain passes quickly, and I start moving against him, wanting him to ride me, hard. For a moment I am not sure if I am Sam or Jolinar, but I don't care. I just want him. Putting my hands on his ass, I pull him towards me, and he immediately relents, beginning to thrust into me - still gentle, though.

I move with him, faintly realising my knowledge of what to do, where to touch him, knowing _exactly_ what he will like, must come from Jolinar. I don't care, but just take advantage of this knowledge, touching him, kissing him, making him almost crazy with desire. He gives me another of those breath-taking, drugging kisses that makes everything disappear in a haze of lust.

We move against each other, him thrusting harder, faster into me. I buck up against him, suddenly shattering under him as my orgasm hits me. He cries out and pumps into me one more time before he too succumbs to pleasure and comes hard in me.

He lies on top of me, panting. I hold him closely, certain I have never been this happy before.

I don't know how long we have laid together, slumbering. When I wake up we lie snuggled up together on the side, spooning. It is completely dark, except for two moons which throws a silvery light on everything. It is beautiful and very romantic.

I turn over and give Martouf - or Lantash - a kiss. He makes a soft sound and pull me closer, then suddenly wakes up. He sits up, looking at me in the half-darkness.

"Samantha..." Martouf somehow looks - embarrassed? It is difficult to tell in the darkness. "I'm...I'm sorry. _This_ was not my intention!" He begins to look for his clothing.

"Martouf, I don't mind. I...uh...enjoyed it very much." Why is he reacting like this? I suddenly feel self-conscious as I am still naked and he is getting dressed.

I quickly search for my clothing and soon we are both dressed. Martouf quickly folds up the blanket and put it into the basket together with the rest of the stuff. He doesn't speak to me and I get a feeling as if my heart is being squeezed hard. I grab his hand.

"Martouf!"

He turns to me. "I should not have taken you here. We shouldn't have...have..."

"Made love?"

"If that is your word for mating. Samantha...I'm sorry. It has only been 3 months since I learned Jolinar and Rosha were dead." His voice almost breaks. "I thought...I believed I was ready to...Samantha. It was not my intention to go this far. I do... _feel_ for you. I am very fond of you. More than that, I..." He suddenly dips his head.

" **Samantha. We allowed our desires to control us. Please, forgive us...we don't want you to misunderstand anything...we** _ **are**_ **very fond of you...as Martouf said, more than that, we are beginning to...** "

"Oh, don't worry. I get it. How long has it been since Jolinar left on her mission? A year? It's quite a dry spell if you're used to getting some regularly. I understand _very well_ , thank you. You decided I would be easy to seduce. Some wine, a romantic setting - and it worked! Congratulations! And you even got to take advantage of the memories I have of your mate. Yeah, I get it!" I shout at him, angry.

He looks at me, stunned. " **Samantha! How** _ **dare**_ **you imply we** _ **used**_ **you for sexual gratification! I merely meant we had allowed our desires to take this too far too quickly. We had wanted to wait until we knew with certainty our feelings were for** _ **you**_ **, and not due to what is left of Jolinar. I would have thought that would also be in** _ **your**_ **best interest.** " Lantash sounds angry, hurt.

"How dare you talk about my best interest!" I feel tears threaten to fall. "I thought it was me you were interested in! Not because of Jolinar! I guess I was being foolish - allowing myself to...to love you..." I look at him. "I'm in love with you."

"You have said repeatedly it is Jolinars emotions you feel, and that you do not know which are yours." He looks hurt.

"Well, excuse me then, but I think I know!" Not waiting for his answer, I quickly begin walking back towards the Stargate.

Lantash walks past me, not saying anything, merely enters the address to the Tok'ra base we stay at, and we go through.

When we are down in the tunnels again, Lantash turns to me. "Samantha. Please. Allow us to explain..."

I don't feel like being hurt further tonight, so I tell him I am tired and leaves before he can say anything else. I run to my room and throw myself on the bed, tears already falling.


	7. Chapter 7

The next day I decide I better go talk to Martouf and Lantash. Having thought about what happened, and what they said, I realise it was as much my fault as theirs - if not more my fault - that we made love. I do think they meant that they wanted to wait, take it slow, and see how and if a relationship developed. I allowed my feelings to overwhelm me, and I wasn't fair to them. It wasn't very long ago they lost Jolinar - someone who had been their mate for 100 years. I also have knowledge about them, feelings about them from Jolinar - they know me far less. I should have given them time to figure out what they wanted.

After bathing and eating breakfast, I go directly to their rooms, then realise they will already be at work. I try to remember where they are this morning. Guard-duty? I meet Aldwin, and ask him.

"No, they already left on the mission for Fohrla - about two hours ago, I think. Did they not tell you?"

Suddenly, I remember. They did tell me, yesterday, but I forgot among all else that happened.

"Y...yes. They did. I just didn't think they'd be leaving this early."

Aldwin nods, looking a little strangely at me. "They were actually late. Garshaw yelled at them for oversleeping, something they does sometimes, but usually not when they are going on missions. They didn't look rested though."

"What kind of mission is it? When will they be back? It's not dangerous, is it?" I ask, worried.

Aldwin looks at me for a moment, probably considering if I am allowed this information, then apparently feels sorry for me. Am I that pathetic and easy to read? "Undercover at Bastet's court - actually a minor Lord for one of her underlings who is a Tok'ra. I don't know when they will be back - it might easily be many months. Such missions are not unknown to stretch for years, though Martouf and Lantash have rarely taken long missions, especially as Goa'uld. They would not have taken this one, had we not been short one operative, and they felt responsible. Jolinar was usually the one for these missions." Aldwin explained. "And it may well be dangerous. All undercover missions are - you never know if you will one day get discovered. It is a stressful life."

I nod, then swallow hard. "Is there anyway to...uh...contact them?"

"Not if it is not a matter of life and death. They will send back secret transmissions, of course, but to contact them would be risking their discovery and so their life."

"Then we must just hope they make it back safely."

"Yes. Always. By the way. Kehta is looking for you."

Kehta is one of the scientists I have been working with. "Ok, I will go find her. Thanks."

* * *

" **Samantha.** " Kehta smiles. " **I have good news!** "

"Yes?" I could use some. I miss Martouf and Lantash, and now I may never see them again - and I didn't even tell them - well, anything.

" **You mentioned that your people use radio to communicate. I have been looking into building a radio communication device, and I would like your input. If we get it to function on the frequencies your people use, we could contact them, even if you have an iris in front of your chaapa'ai.** "

"So I may be able to go home?" For some strange reason I don't feel excited. Yes, I miss them all - miss Earth...but I know why I don't want to leave. Will I never know what became of Martouf and Lantash? Never know if they get home again safely? Never tell them how I feel? Never get a chance to perhaps have a relationship with them? Part of me does hope they will want that.

" **Yes, perhaps - if they trust you.** " She looks at me searchingly. " **I thought you would be happy?** "

"Oh, I am..." I smile at her, not quite as brightly as I would some months ago. "It's just...if our people can't get along, I'll never see...any of you guys again."

She smiles brightly. " **Many of us have begun thinking of you as a friend also, Samantha. Fear not, we may yet get it to work out. As you say, we do have a common enemy. Now, will you come look at my idea?** "

"Of course." I follow her to the lab, and we soon have a working radio, which will be able to send and receive at the frequencies the SGC uses. Now we just have to get permission to contact them!"


	8. Chapter 8

The Council argued about it for a long time. They are still grateful that I found the spy in their midst, and they do trust me, but they are worried about trusting my people - and I now have more information about them, including the address to this base planet, so that, too, concerns them.

However, about one and a half month later, they finally agree to let me attempt to contact the SGC. The Council is even willing to let me try and negotiate a meeting on some safe place, to perhaps try and see if Earth and the Tok'ra could become friends. I doubt that will happen, but I still hope.

Not knowing if I will be coming back - and if so, when, I consider writing something for Martouf and Lantash. In the end I decide what I need to tell them can only be told in person - especially since, if my suspicions are correct, there will be an added... _complication_ which I don't know how they will react to.

Instead I go to their room to see it a last time. I haven't been there since they left, and only glanced in briefly then, to see if they were there. I have decided to leave my dog-tags for them. I remember them asking about them, and me explaining them, so they will understand it as a thing from me I want them to have. I just wish I had something better.

As I put the id tags on the table by their bed, I suddenly notice a small box, a note with my name on it standing against it. I take the note and look at it. It is Martouf's hand writing, and he has carefully written in English. He is a good student, and clearly remembers all I had been teaching him of our written language. The text is correctly written, even if the sentences are short.

* * *

 _Samantha,_

 _Forgive us. When we come back, we need to talk. This is for you. It would make us happy if you would wear it._

 _Martouf and Lantash._

* * *

They have each written their name - though the names are in Goa'uld. I can easily recognize them, though. I have learned a fair bit of Goa'uld while here, probably made easier by my memories from Jolinar. I carefully fold the letter and put it in my pocket, then take the box and open it.

It contains a gold necklace, one that would have looked perfect together with the dress I wore the evening before they left. I wonder where they got it from so fast? Did they have it already, and if so, why? I don't recognize it, so I don't think it was Jolinar and Rosha's.

I look at it. It is very beautiful. I immediately put it on, then sit on their bed, thinking. Missing them terribly. Do I have the right to take the necklace with me, if I never get a chance to come back? If they never see me again.

I sense someone and look up, seeing Kehta by the doorway.

" **Samantha...are you ready to leave?** "

"Almost." I look at her, my uncertainty and sadness must be obvious on my face.

" **It is a beautiful necklace.** "

"Yes...I just noticed the box and the letter here. It's from Martouf and Lantash. Though I don't know if I should take it. I don't know if it would be right if I can't come back."

" **I understand, but they wanted you to have it. The life of a Tok'ra is full of uncertainties. We never know if we see friends and loved ones again. You should take the necklace. If it is in your destiny to meet again, they will be happy to see you wear it.** "

I nod. "Thank you. When you see them, will you tell them thank you - and that I hope very much to see them again?"

" **I will.** "

I put my dog-tags on their table and follow Kehta out. She is carrying the make-shift radio.

* * *

We have gated to another planet, and have now dialed Earth. I have given the Council my word I will not tell the SGC anything about how to find the Tok'ra. I will not betray them!

When the wormhole has established, I turn on the radio, Kehta observing.

" _Hello, this is Captain Samantha Carter calling the SGC. Is General Hammond there?_ "

There is a short pause, then they answer. My heart jumps at finally hearing the voice of someone from Earth again. " _This is Hammond. We had not expected to hear from you again._ "

" _I wasn't sure I'd get to contact you. Will you open the iris?_ "

" _You know it doesn't work like that. We will find a place to meet, then we dial this address again and tell you where. Understood?_ "

" _Yes, Understood. Carter, out._ " This actually went better than expected. I hadn't expected them to let me through, so agreeing on a place to meet is absolutely a good outcome.

We wait for some time, then the wormhole opens again.

" _We will meet on P2X-310 in three hours. You will come alone. Acknowledge._ "

" _Acknowledged. Carter, out._ "

The wormhole shuts down and I take my goodbyes of Kehta, who returns to the Tok'ra base planet, while I go on to P2X-310, to wait for my people. Kehta is worried for me, and I agree it smells trap, but I do not want her to come. Not only would it be risking her life, but it would also make my team-mates - or whomever is sent - suspect foul play.

* * *

As I see the Stargate activate, I get up from the rock I have been sitting on and walk towards it, my heart beating fast. I touch the necklace from Martouf and Lantash, missing them a lot, and hoping this will go well. I almost regret contacting them, because I will no doubt be facing weeks of interrogation, if I can even ever get them to trust me again.

They have sent SG-1 - or SG-1 minus me, of course. With them are two other teams - SG-2 and SG-3. I wave at them, feeling unsure.

"Carter." O'Neill calls out. walking towards me, followed by the others. He stops at maybe 30-40 feet from me. Daniel continues walking towards me until O'Neill tell him to stop. "Careful, Daniel! We don't know if she's snaked - or booby-trapped."

Do they trust me so little? "I'm me, sir...and no little secret bombs."

"How did you get here? Did you escape?"

"They let me go - the Tok'ra would like to give this another chance. Make some sort of agreement with us, perhaps."

"What made them change their mind? As I remember it, they only wanted us because we're a nice place to live, so they'd only agree if we brought hosts."

"They still want that, but...could we perhaps take this back at the SGC? I don't feel like repeating it all!"

After having checked I didn't carry anything obviously explosive, they let me through the Stargate. Daniel and Teal'c at least greeted me, but I don't think O'Neill trusts me yet. I suppose I wouldn't either, if I were in his situation.


	9. Chapter 9

After an ultra-sound of my neck, to prove I didn't bring any hitch-hikers, they begin to relax. Janet gives me a full check up and takes a whole bunch of tests, then I am taken to spend the night in a holding cell. Tomorrow I will be debriefed.

* * *

Next morning, after breakfast I have gone back to my room to lie down for a couple hours before the debriefing which will be at noon. I am not feeling well. I was dizzy earlier, and I am nauseous again, as I have been now and then over the last week or so. I have not been in my room long when there is a knock on the door. I go to open it.

"Janet!" I smile. "Come in."

"Sam, can I talk to you for a while?"

"Of course." I look at the guard outside. "You dare be alone with me?"

She rolls her eyes. "Yeah, I think I've checked you out well enough to know you're not hiding any nasty little surprises. Besides, we do have reason to trust the Tok'ra, even though not everyone agrees yet. But that is not for me to tell. Hammond will inform you at the debriefing, no doubt."

I feel the curiosity. What does she mean? I doubt my team-mates said anything too nice about the Tok'ra. Perhaps Selmak and Saroosh survived long enough to convince the SGC - or some of them at least - that the Tok'ra are good guys. I want to ask Janet, but decide to respect that she is probably not allowed to tell me.

"OK, I'm curious, but I'll wait, then." I sit down on the bed again as Janet closes the door after her. "Is this a social call, then?" I smile at her. I have missed her friendship.

"Well, that too. I've missed you." Janet smiles and sits down on a chair and pull it closer to me. "So has Cassie. I hope you'll be allowed to meet her again soon - though I'm afraid there'll probably be some people who will want to talk to you for a very long time before you're cleared...and I don't know how what I've come to talk to you about will make that more difficult."

"You mean...?"

"That you're pregnant, yes...but I assume you knew?"

"I suspected. It's not like they had any easily available test-kits at the Tok'ra, and it wasn't something I felt like talking to their healers about." So, it's confirmed. I don't know how to react. Right now I mostly feel fear.

"Sam, tell me. What happened? Did someone rape you?"

"Rape me? No!" I shake my head. "Not at all." I blush. "I...ah...well, there's this very cute guy..."

"Ah." Janet smiles. "Here we thought you were a prisoner, or in danger, and instead you found someone special."

"Well, I was a prisoner at first, but then I found a spy among the Tok'ra, and they started to trust me after that."

Janet nods. "So there were other humans living with the Tok'ra? Or haven't you been staying with them at all?"

"No, I've been with the Tok'ra the whole time - and I'm pretty sure there aren't any other humans with them. Surely someone living with them would have volunteered to host Selmak if that was the case."

"I suppose." Janet concedes. "Then...um, who..."

"The father is Tok'ra."

Janet looks disbelieving. "Didn't you say they were the same species as the Goa'uld."

I take a deep breath. "Yes, but they're totally different, fight the Goa'uld, just like we do. And share the body with the host willingly."

"OK, what does he think? I assume you've told him?"

"No, he had to leave on a mission - to pretend to be a Goa'uld. I don't know when he'll be back. Janet, I'm really worried for him!"

She moves to sit on the bed beside me and put an arm around me. "Oh, Sam. How do you get into these situations!" She touches my necklace. "Did he give you this?"

"Yes. He did."

"The symbiote doesn't mind its host has a relationship with someone? A human?"

"No - on the contrary. They...feel as one. It's not just the host I'm interested in, and the symbiote very obviously doesn't mind doing...ah...the things humans might do together." I feel myself blushing. "Janet...please don't tell anyone I'm pregnant. OK?"

"Sam, it's not like it's something you can hide for very long...I assume that means you want the child?"

"Yes...I think so." I swallow. "Janet, I'm not sure I'm ever going to see him again - at least I will have a child to remind me of him. And I know it will show, soon. I just hope I can hide until the NID has finished interrogating me. I'm afraid they'll decide the kid would somehow be interesting to study and experiment on, since the father is the same species as the Tok'ra."

"Well, I'll see what I can do about hiding the relevant test results. I don't see what the NID should want with the child - the father is human, even if he is a host, so there shouldn't be anything alien to study - but I know Kinsey and his gang are idiots, so..."

"Thanks, Janet." I hug her. I have a nagging feeling the child will not be 100% human, something about genetic memory, but I'm not sure, so I decide it will not do any good to talk about it.

"Now, tell me about this gorgeous guy who stole your heart!" Janet says, interested.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Time for Sam to hear what has happened while she has been gone. The timeline and the missions for SG-1 has been a little different.

* * *

It is time for the debriefing, and I am waiting in the meeting room, a couple guards just inside the door. I ignore them and try to think about what to say - I will not tell anything that betray the Tok'ra or endanger them in any way. I wonder if there is any chance of convincing the others that we should try to talk to the Tok'ra again, and maybe get an alliance with them. I'm not very confident that will ever happen, though.

I think about what happened to my dad. No one's told me anything. I've been gone for more than 4 1/2 months - it's now late February 1999, so I am certain he is dead. Did they tell him? If so, what?

The door opens and Hammond and my team-mates enter. They great me.

"Captain Carter."

"Carter."

"Sam."

"Hi, guys." I try to smile. They look very guarded.

"So, let's get this meeting started."

We begin, and they ask me lots and lots of question. Some of them I answer, others not. They believe me when I say the Tok'ra didn't let me see the symbols for their new home world. Then, finally, they finish interrogating me, seemingly satisfied.

"It would seem you are you. Welcome home, Carter." O'Neill smile at me.

"Yeah, we've missed you, Sam." Daniel says.

"Indeed. Welcome back." Teal'c adds.

I feel much relieved. My friends trust me again! "Um, thanks guys!" I smile. "There are a few things I'd like to ask now, if it's OK?"

"Sure. We have some things to tell you too. Some things that I think you may like."

"Yes?" My heart beats faster. "Is my father still alive?"

"He is." O'Neill says. "Not sure if you'll like how, or maybe you will, since it was your idea originally. Living with the snakes for as long may have changed your mind on it, though you sound like you trust them. He's actually been a great help to us - or his little friend has."

"I do. What happened?" I feel really confused. Dad's little friend. Do they mean...?

"The Tok'ra we brought back home, Selmak. She desperately needed a host and after some discussions, we got orders to find her one, since we don't know enough to be able to keep one alive without a host - and she would have useful information. Jacob volunteered, and it was decided to let him chance it, since he would be dead otherwise." Hammond explained. "They both survived the blending I think it's called."

"Where are they? Can I see them?" I say, elated.

"They spent some time being interrogated by the NID, as you can well imagine, and then some further time in prison, but they are currently allowed to move around on the base here, though followed by a guard. We have gotten some useful information from this Selmak, though the symbiote won't tell us much about the Tok'ra. Saved us, actually, when Apophis came knocking."

"My dad's here?" I look stupid at them. "Wait, Apophis?"

Hammond nods. "Yes, you'll get to meet Jacob later today. However, you'll likely be taken to be interrogated by the NID tomorrow, and I'm afraid it will probably be a while before they will let you go, as you have lived with some people who are the same species as our enemy, for 4 1/2 months. As for Apophis - it's a long story. He tried to get asylum here, and we considered it, but Selmak warned us against it. In the end we followed her advice, and that was good, because the people we left to keep an eye on the planet said Sokar returned for him shortly after. We'd have been wiped out if we had taken Apophis here."

"Wow!" I don't know how to take all this. "The NID - yeah, I was afraid of that. What about my suggestion about trying to meet with the Tok'ra and try to make some sort of treaty with them? The Tok'ra seem interested, and I think they could be a very valuable ally - as you said, Selmak warned you."

"I thought we didn't have anything they wanted?"

"Well, now they can get Selmak back! I'm sure that will make them happier and more positive towards talking to us! Also, I've gotten to know some of them." I say, really wanting to convince them.

"We'll see about it when you come back."

"Anything else important happened?" I ask, curious.

"Oh, yeah, Jack lost the ability to speak English - then started building weird stuff." Daniel says.

"Come again?"

"I stuck my head in some alien doohickey and it download crap in my brain - I'm OK again, though - those Asgard fellas fixed me."

"The Asgard? Thor's people? How did you contact them."

"That's what the building part did." Daniel tells me. "Jack made some sort of extra energy module for the 'gate, and it dialed another galaxy! Found the Asgard there!"

"Cool." I say, not sure what else to say.

After a while longer I am allowed to go see my dad. It's weird that I have guards and he have guards. I ignore the oddity of it as I see him. I am just happy he is alive - and I hope this is my second chance to get to become better friends with him - and now I can even tell him all about the things I had to hide before, since he obviously have clearance. Having Selmak in his head kinda makes it hard to hide the Stargate project and the existance of aliens for him!

"Dad!" I smile and hurry to him, hugging him.

"Sammie!" He hugs me back. "It's so good to see you. Selmak convinced me the Tok'ra would never have harmed you, but the others didn't really believe us. Well, I think maybe Teal'c did."

"You look great!"

"I feel good. So, you've lived with the Tok'ra for 4 1/2 months. Do you think I'd like it there? Selmak would like to go home of we're ever allowed to, and I can't say I enjoy these guards they insist on having following me here."

"Yeah, I can understand that! And I think you'll like it there - not too many creature comforts, but neither are there here, so."

"Well, that might be just perfect for an old soldier like me - and Selmak thinks I'll like going on missions. She's looking forward to that again - she hasn't done it much for a very long time."

We talk for a little while, then Selmak comes forward to say hi.

" **Hello, Samantha.** "

"Hi, Selmak. It's good to see you're well. I'm happy my dad is your host."

" **Thank you. Samantha...do you know of any way to contact the Tok'ra? You mentioned that the Council is considering talking to the Tau'ri about a treaty, surprisingly enough, so you must have some way of contacting them**."

"Yeah, I do." Since the guards have gone, I tell Selmak, having her promise not to tell it to the SGC, which she of course would never consider. She is of course less likely to betray the Tok'ra than me, so I can tell her. Besides, she can't get to use the Stargate, and none of us wish to risk making Earth any more jittery about the Tok'ra than they already are. Selmak will wait and see if they can convince Earth to negotiate with the Tok'ra.

After some time, the guards show up again and tell me it is time to go, and I hug my dad and Selmak, then are taken to my room, where they serve my dinner. It's almost like being back in the Tok'ra holding cell, just without a force shield.

* * *

The next day the NID shows up to pick me up and I am taken to their lair in Washington, for interrogation. They treat me reasonably well, but they keep asking me about things I don't want to tell them, and I keep saying I don't know.

Fortunately, they are very willing to believe the Tok'ra are paranoid, after talking to Selmak. I am angry at Maybourne who is in charge of the interrogation, and who also interrogated my dad and Selmak. I have been told they had several medical experiments done on them, to see how Tok'ra reacted to various things. Fortunately, Selmak could handle it all, and she and my dad are fine. That doesn't mean I am ready to forgive Maybourne anytime soon.

I end up being there for well more than a month, but what I tell them apparently makes a difference. Together with the information they got from Selmak, their and out leaders decide it might actually be a good idea to talk to the Tok'ra again. They seem to have been convinced they are actually good guys, which makes me happy. Maybe I will get to see Martouf and Lantash again!

When I return to the SGC, my dad and Selmak have been released, and sent to meet with the Tok'ra, as a gesture of good faith - especially after having helped SGC yet again, this time against some baddies called the Retou. I hear it was touch and go there for a while, but they succeeded - using the hand device I got on Cimmeria at first, then quickly constructing some sort of technology that would show things that were phase-shifted.

The Tok'ra sure are ahead of us technologically! I realy hope we will get to ally with them - and not just to see Martouf and my dad again.

I wish I had gotten to talk to my dad again before he left, but at least it seems to be going towards a talk with the Tok'ra Council. Now we have to wait and see for the Tok'ra to make the next move.

I managed to avoid the NID discovering I am pregnant, which I am sure is good. I am certain Maybourne would have decided my child would make a good experiment. The pregnancy doesn't show yet, but I know it will soon, so it will not be long before everyone knows. I wonder if I can make them believe I got knocked up after I came back from the Tok'ra? Doubtful, I suppose.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Timeline is different, so instead of being captured by Hathor, the mission back in time to 1969 happens a little later.

* * *

Back at the SGC, I am allowed to walk around without a guard again. I am finally a trusted person again, and I can even go to my house and stay there. Fortunately, they haven't sold it, which I might have suspected they would, after I had been MIA for so long. I take out a couple weeks of all the vacation I have been saving for years, and go home to relax. It feels good to be in my own house again - surrounded by my own things. The place is dusty, and most of my plants have died, so I spend some hours relaxing over housework. Feeling hungry, I take a look in my fridge, and quickly regret it.

Fortunately, there was little in there, but what is there now is disgusting and not even recognizable as having ever been food. I haul it all down into a bag and throw it out, trying not to look - or smell! any of it. Fortunately, my nausea is almost gone. My pregnancy is almost 3 1/2 month along now, and I am feeling better. It has been difficult to hide my nausea and tiredness, but I have succeeded! It's not visible yet, but I know it is only a matter of time before I can't hide it anymore.

For now, I push the multitude of possible complications this will give aside, and focus on cleaning the fridge, before I drive to the supermarket and buy a lot of yummy food. I decide I have earned it, after all the hardship - especially the damn NID. On the way back I spend some time looking through the window to a store with clothes and equipment for babies - wondering about whether it will be a boy or a girl, or how he or she will look. I decide against going inside, though. The birth is still many months away.

* * *

When my two weeks vacation is almost over, it knocks on my door and my team-mates show up.

"Hi, Sam. We thought it was time for a team-night." Daniel said, smiling.

"We brought pizza!" O'Neill say.

"I have chosen two movies. I suggest we see Star Wars first." Teal'c adds.

I smile at them. "Come in!" I don't really feel like watching Star Wars yet again, but it's Teal'c's favourite movie, and I'm really happy they showed up for a movie night. It's been a long time since we we're all together and just relaxing. It is nice to feel like one of the team again.

"The Tok'ra contacted us today - Hammond called just before we left to come here, and we promised to tell you." Daniel says when we have finished watching Star Wars, and discussed it in some detail with Teal'c, who had some new opinions about its relevance to various stuff...yeah, I kinda zooned out, it's not that interesting.

"Have you agreed on a meeting?" I say, very interested.

"Yes, we will have a meeting in a location to be decided. It won't be us - or you - going this time, though. People higher up have chosen a group of negotiators which will meet with those the Tok'ra chose to send, and if the meeting goes well, we may agree on another meeting...hopefully leading to some sort of treaty or agreement. I think an actual alliance is a long way off, but it apparently helped a lot that Selmak was still alive and we sent her back - in a new host. That was taken as a very good sign." Daniel says.

"That's great." Though I wish they would let _me_ go! I want to see dad again - and hear how Martouf and Lantash are doing.

"They're apparently rather fond of _you_ , Carter." O'Neill smirks. "Says you saved them from a Goa'uld spy, so that's a good thing too! Perhaps we'll yet get something out of this. I can't say I feel totally comfortable with these guys - they _are_ Goa'uld, whether or not they've changed their mind on that whole evil overlord thing and the suppressing of hosts - though Jolinar still seems to prove it's not that far down."

"They're _very_ different from the Goa'uld!" I tell him, indignated. "You know that - Jolinar was desperate."

He shrugs. "I'll admit they're not like your regular greasy-assed Goa'uld. They didn't force us to become hosts, they didn't kill _you_ , and they seems to actually allow the host to have control and speak. I'll give them that. It doesn't mean I'd feel safe having one of them in me, but I guess I might consider working with them. They _do_ fight the Goa'uld, so if they can get over their whole arrogance-complex, I think it could work."

In a way I feel angry at his intolerant opinions, but I also realise this is a huge concession from him, so I decide to be happy with that. He needs time to accept them.

* * *

Back at the SGC I'm working in my lab, not being allowed on missions again yet. I regularly debrief with Hammond and my team, but I still miss the mission.

Then, one day Hammond looks curiously at my hand, then suddenly decides I have to go on a mission with my team mates! I am really confused! I actually don't feel like it - I'm around 4 months along, and I've also just hurt my hand in an experiment. It's not bad, but it's an irritant. Hammond hands me a piece of paper or something - puts it in my pocket and says it needs to be there, then sends me on mission with the others.

"You guys understand any of this?" I wonder?

"Nope. I just do as the man in charge says." O'Neill responds, sounding annoyed.

Daniel snorts.

"Well, most of the time...OK, some of the time, then!" O'Neill adds.

We all laugh. It's good to be with the guys again!

* * *

It was not your usual run-of-the mill mission! We ended up in a missile silo, in 1969 - and I thought we were done for for sure, but we made it home, with the help of some hippies, and Catherine - the one who helped Daniel crack some of the Stargate code.

It's almost a month later, when the meeting with the Tok'ra finally takes place. I am currently working on the SGC, but not going on missions yet. I am trusted, but not with off world missions yet - the trip to 1969 was a one-time thing, and I guess it wasn't really off world.

I muse that is probably a good thing - Janet has threatened that she will tell my team and Hammond the moment I am put on active duty. Fair enough - especially now, when I am almost five months along, I realise I can't safely go on missions. It have started putting on a little weight, but not enough that anything can be seen.

I guess these pretty shape-less uniforms are good for something! I've felt the child move also, now, so I am feeling even protective over him or her. Janet is secretly keeping an eye on me, and according to her check-ups I am perfectly fine. I feel fine, so that's good.

I have almost convinced myself that the child will not have genetic memory and that no one will be the wiser. If I never see Martouf and Lantash again, I can at least pass the child off as being from Earth, if people don't check the birth date too closely. I don't want to risk him or her being the subject of study.

But I miss Martouf and Lantash so very much! The effect of that memory recall device was that I have had more access to Jolinar's memories, and a side effect is that I have pretty vivid dreams about Martouf and Lantash. It is nice, but also continues to remind me of what I currently can't have.

I am of course going a bit out on a limb here, assuming they even want me, but I am taken the necklace as a sign they do.

I hope I am right.

* * *

Finally, we are called in for a debriefing, to learn about the results of the meeting with the Tok'ra. We listen to the lecture from some civilian diplomat for a long time.

"Tell me I misunderstood this, but it sounded as if we will agree to give them _hosts_ in return for an alliance?" O'Neill exclaims, disbelieving.

"That is essentially correct. There will also be some exchange of personnel, some joint missions, as well as some sharing of techonology and resources, as well as of course intelligence, but the main point they wanted guarantee of is hosts, and we promised to look into it."

"Meaning?"

"For now, it will likely mean wounded or sick personel at this base, as well as some others, mostly others who may have signed a non-disclosure agreement, but perhaps also relatives of personel here, like Captain Carter's father. Perhaps volunteers from this base, if such exists. We obviously can't start looking in the general population."

O'Neill snorts. I can tell he isn't happy, but I must admit I am! This means we will likely get more interaction with the Tok'ra, soon, and if all goes well, a full alliance!

"There is also something else - as Jolinar mentioned when Captain Carter was her host, the Tok'ra have the ability to remove a Goa'uld from its host."

I see Daniel perk up at this. If we can capture Sha're, then the Tok'ra can remove Amaunet.

Teal'c seems pleased we will ally with the Tok'ra, whom he consider an honourable ally - one he had thought was only legendary.

I am also beyond pleased, so in general the whole SG-1 is happy with this development.

When the diplomat is about to leave, she calls me to her.

"Captain Carter, I have some personal messages for you."

Curious - and hopeful - I go to her. "Yes?"

"We have one from your father." She looks embarassed. "You should know that we have had them read through for anything suspicious. That will probably not happen in the future, if we get a good relationship with the Tok'ra, but..." She shrugs.

I look at her, annoyed, but realise that was to be expected. I take the small Tok'ra data pad and put it in a pocket, intending to read it when I am alone.

"We have another, short message, with a package, for you also. It is apparently from one of their undercover agents. It is of a more...ah...personal nature." She looks guilty.

I snatch the package, my heart beating, hoping it is from Martouf and Lantash. That means he is alive and well! And he thought of me and sent me something, despite the danger and difficulty!

"Thank you." I don't intend to give her the satisfaction of answering her unasked question. "When will I be able to go an visit...my dad?"

"We can't tell you yet. I'm afraid the Tok'ra work slowly - and I will admit that so do we sometimes. It will probably be several more months, at least, before we will sign the treaty. We don't have any way of contacting them, and they have just moved base. They would contact us when they were ready to formalize the agreements."

"I see. Thank you." I turn on my heal and leave the room.


	12. Chapter 12

I leave the room and go to the nearest empty room, to look at the messages immediately. I am too nervous to look at the message which _hopefully_ from Martouf and Lantash, and read my dad's letter first. He is doing fine, and writes shortly about his daily life and about settling in. Well, he's never been one to say much about himself, but Selmak actually seems to have mellowed him a little. That's impressive!

I open the small package and find a bracelet, made in a matching style as the necklace I wear, but with large, polished pieces of a beautiful blue stone interspersed between the gold. The stones are some kind of semi-precious stones, and they are really beautiful. I admire them for a moment, then put on the bracelet, now certain it is from Martouf and Lantash. I quickly open the accompanying letter, reading it.

 _Samantha,_

 _When we saw this bracelet, it immediately reminded us of your beautiful blue eyes. We knew we had to get it for you, that it was supposed to be yours._

 _We miss you very much. This mission is hopefully soon over, though we cannot be certain yet. We both hope you have forgiven us, and that you are still interested in us when we come back._

 _Samantha, we were fools! We have had much time to think, and mostly it has been about you. We cannot now imagine a future without you in it. If you still feel for us, know that we love you._

 _Yes, we have found out for sure that the emotion we feel for you is a deep, lasting love. We will always love Rosha and Jolinar, but you are our future._

 _When we come back, we hope - despite knowing we do not deserve it - that you will become our beloved. Our mate._

 _Much love,_

 _Martouf and Lantash._

I read the letter several times, thinking about my sweet loves. Missing them terribly. At least I know they are still alive.

That - and I got my wish fulfilled. They love me! I very much hope they will not be angry at me because of the child. I do not know how the Tok'ra think about children. I don't remember anything about them ever having any, but that may just be because of the danger to a child, when growing up on the run, as the Tok'ra always are.

It may also be that there is something else. Will the child inherit genetic memory? Will that mean the Goa'uld will hunt the kid, wanting to make him or her a host? Will such a child be a danger to the security of the Tok'ra. I feel worried.

Just then, my team-mates enter the room.

"Ah, so this is where you're hiding, Carter." O'Neill says, looking intently at the bracelet on my arm and the letter in my hand.

"Yeah, I...wanted to read the letter from my dad in private."

"Cut the crap, Carter. We know you got a letter from someone else, and I doubt your dad sent you that." He indicates the bracelet.

"Sam, we're your friends. We just want to help." Daniel says. "Isn't it time to tell us? Whatever it is you're hiding."

"Though we've been putting two and two together and reached a conclusion which I'm not sure I like, but..." O'Neill begins.

"Wanna join us in the mess hall for a cup of coffee and some pie?" Daniel asks when I don't immediately say anything - he doesn't want O'Neill to say anything stupid.

I really want to go to my room or somewhere else private, but I realise there is no way my friends will let me go without attempting some more to get out of me what this was all about.

* * *

"So..." O'Neill says we all sit down in the thankfully otherwise empty mess hall. "You got a message from dad?"

"Yes. He is doing fine, he's telling me a little about his daily life and settling in."

"I'm happy to hear it." O'Neill says, looking fairy uninterested. "Carter...you obviously met someone while you were gone - and that someone knocked you up."

"Sir!" I stare at him.

"Oh, you've been good at hiding it, but I've had a wife that was pregnant."

"You haven't wanted beer when we've had team-night, and you've cut down on the coffee." Daniel observes.

"You have also increased moderately in weight, consistant with a woman with child, who is approximately 5 months through gestation." Teal'c observes.

"You don't talk about a lady's weight, Teal'c!" I sigh. "Very well, since you seem to have been paying attention." I look at them. "I really need you to keep quiet about this. The only one that knows except you, is Janet."

"Jeez, Carter, it's not like you're the first woman to get pregnant. Why all the secrecy?" O'Neill rolls his eyes.

"Besides, it will not be long before it is visible to everyone." Teal'c says.

"Well, perhaps because the father's not from Earth? I'm sure the NID could get _something_ out of that!"

"True enough, I guess." O'Neill concedes. "So, I assume he have you the bracelet? _And_ that necklace you've been wearing?"

"Yes. They're pretty, aren't they?" I smile and hold my arm out to my friends. Daniel look interested at it, Teal'c with polite interest, O'Neill scoffs. I have a suspicion he doesn't like that I found a man off world. Well, if _he_ thought he was the only one who could go to other planets and charm the pants of aliens, then he is sadly mistaken!

"So, I guess this explains why you're so eager to go back to the Tok'ra?" Daniel said. "It was someone living with them, right?"

"Yes, of course." I look at him, a little strangely. Did they think I just gate-hopped various planets and fucked the male inhabitants, all the time while I was gone?

"Well, Carter, you should probably prepare yourself for the very likely scenario that mister gorgeous is now a host. Don't you think?"

"Of course he is! He was a host long before I met him!"

My friends are quiet for some time. "You did the naughty with a Goa'uld? _Carter_ , please tell me that's not the case!" O'Neill looks at me in shock.

"He's not a Goa'uld. He is a Tok'ra!" I glare at him. "You said yourself you knew there was a difference!"

"Yeah, but... _dammit_! You let a heretic Goa'uld screw you!" He looks at my abdomen. "Not only that, you let him knock you up! No wonder he's sending you gifts - is that an attempt to get out of the responsibility?"

"Stop it! He doesn't know! He's undercover right now, pretending to be a Goa'uld, so it's not like he can be contacted!" I'm getting seriously pissed at O'Neill right now. nd what's up with you, Teal'c?" I glare at the big Jaffa.

"There is nothing 'up with me', I am merely considering whether the child of one host will also inherit genetic memory, or if it is only the case for harcesis'es."

"What the fuck is an _harcesis_?" O'Neill wonders.

"The child of two hosts. Like Apophis's and Amaunet's child. The Goa'uld believe it will inherit the knowledge of all the Goa'uld."

"That's rubbish, Teal'c! How should that happen? That's just superstition!" I tell him.

"Well, the Goa'uld _do_ have genetic memory." Daniel points out.

"Yes, but for the kid to get all the knowledge of the Goa'uld, the symbiotes in its parents would have to have half of that knowledge each. It can't just get there magically. It doesn't work that way, Daniel." I tell him.

"True, but doesn't that imply the child _will_ get the genetic memory of the symbiote...uh...parent?"

I am quiet for a moment, then nod. "Yeah, I guess."

"Wonderful." O'Neill rubs his head, looking as if he is getting a headache. "I guess it was a good idea _afterall_ keeping the knowledge about that kid from the NID."


	13. Chapter 13

That evening I have a hard time falling asleep. On the one side, I am ecstatically happy, because I know Martouf and Lantash are alive and well - and they love me. But on the other side, I am now even more worried at their - and the other Tok'ra's reaction when they learn of the child. Is it wrong of me to want the child? Will it endanger the Tok'ra? Itself, because the Goa'uld will hunt it? And how will a human child react to growing up with the memories of Goa'uld atrocities, even if I guess Tok'ra genetic memory will assure he or she will never get evil, and will want to fight for good.

At least my friends promised me not to say anything.

And I suddenly realised something - this means the child will have something from _both_ the men I love. I feel very happy at that.

With that thought, I fall asleep.

* * *

The next several months pass slowly. Everyone knows now - that is, everyone knows I am pregnant, but not that the father is a Tok'ra. I would have been back on active duty now, but instead the temporary replacement on SG-1 is staying with them for a bit longer.

I work in my lab at the SGC. There is plenty for me to do, but I miss the off world missions - and more than anything I miss Martouf and Lantash.

This has given me time to think. I would never have thought it possible, but I may actually want to move to the Tok'ra tunnels, if I will be allowed to. That is, if I can make it work with Martouf/Lantash. I guess I can work with the Tok'ra scientists, and perhaps go on some missions for them, too.

However, I need to consider whether or not I ever want to be a host. After Jolinar, I never thought I would consider this, but getting to know the Tok'ra have meant I have changed my opinion about them. About being a host. It no longer scares me - much, at least.

And there is also the fact that if I don't become a host, I will die of old age while Martouf still is as young as he is today.

So, god help me, I am actually considering it! Of course, I never thought I would consider leaving Earth - or my dream job at the SGC!

Now the official signing of the treaty between Earth and the Tok'ra have a date set, and the Tok'ra will be sending several representatives here for the signing! I am very much looking forward to it, and to hopefully set at the very least my dad again, hopefully Martouf and Lantash - or at least hear from them or about how it goes.

I'm just terribly nervous for how the Tok'ra will react. Will they be angry? If Martouf is not in the group of representatives, will the Tok'ra even realise I must have gotten pregnant while at their base? If they rarely - or never - have human kids, they may not pay attention to the timescale.

At least I can hope. The summit will be very close to my due date. I will give birth either shortly before or after. Typical of my luck, I guess.

As the time grows nearer, I both dread the reaction, especially from Martouf and Lantash, but also of my dad - and the other Tok'ra, and I also find myself very much hoping Martouf and Lantash will be there - that they will be happy, and that they will be there for the birth.

Yes, I'm turning into a romantic, sentimental fool. Must be the hormones. Disgusted, I sigh and push the whole subject away, focusing on studying the weird alien thingie in front of me.

* * *

I gasp as another contraction tears through me, trying to breathe through, leaning back in the bed.

I am down in the infirmary. I have gone into labour - just as the Tok'ra was about to arrive for the signing. Janet informed me earlier that they had arrived, but that my dad wasn't among them.

Apparently, the Tok'ra decided to send Garshaw - which we should probably be honoured by - someone called Per'sus, which is from another base, and who is even higher rank than Garshaw, so I guess the Tok'ra really do find this important, and several other Tok'ra. Most of those 'others' are guards, as well as a few assistants to the two Council members, and one healer, since the Tok'ra doesn't want to be completely dependent on our doctors, should an accident happen and a Tok'ra gets too badly wounded to be able to heal on their own.

Janet said they had briefly asked about me, since I was apparently considered 'almost Tok'ra' after discovering the spy Cordesh, living with them for months, and being the former host of Jolinar.

I guess I should be honoured. In any case, they had accepted that I was in the infirmary, in labour, with no further questions asked.

I am unhappy at not experiencing the signing of the treaty, but that's how it is. I am very much looking forward to holding my child, though. I do not know if it is a boy or a girl, since I decided that I didn't want to know before.

Janet comes running as I gasp as another contraction hits me. They are stronger now, and coming more frequently.

"Soon, now, Sam." She says, after checking on me quickly. She gives me a smile. "I just talked to Doctor Jackson, he says the Tok'ra mentioned your dad would arrive later, for the celebration. He is apparently currently on some mission, picking up a couple of their agents who had to flee rather quickly."

I nod, tired and not really sure I want to talk to dad right now.


	14. Chapter 14

Jacob POV.

I go through the Stargate together with Martouf and Aldwin. We - Aldwin and I - have just returned with Martouf and Malek, after rescuing them from Bastet's court. It had really gone south with the mission - Bastet had found out Malek was a Tok'ra and began torturing him. Martouf had managed to rescue him, temporarily knocking out Bastet, but they could not get away from the planet and we had to pick them up in a Teltac.

It was not easy to get to them, and we had to fight several Jaffa to get to them, in the cave they were hiding in, Lantash trying to defend them with a hand device. Malek was too weak to fight, and could barely stand.

When we finally got them to the ship, the vessel was damaged by weapons fire and we crashed on a nearby planet, then had to walk to the Stargate.

It took almost a day, with Malek getting weaker and the rest of us taking turns carrying him.

Malek is with the healers, as he is still in pretty bad shape, but at least he will recover fully. Martouf and Lantash are unharmed, but tired so I'm not sure why they insist on going with us here. Though I guess this is an event to be remembered and he doesn't want to miss it.

Selmak thinks he has other reasons.

Of course, he may also want to see Earth. Sam has apparently told him about it. They became friends while she stayed with the Tok'ra, so he may wish to visit her as well.

Martouf and Lantash seems like nice people. I got to talk to them a bit while we walked to the Stargate on the planet we crashed on. He seems to like Sam a lot. I wonder if there is anything more there than friendship? I suspect there is from his side.

Selmak snorts, seeming to think I'm a fool and that it is obvious. I decide not to think of it. I don't know if it would be a good idea if he tries to pursue Sam - he's from another planet, and an alien.

Yeah, so am I now, and I guess this is ridiculous. It's just that it could be a big cultural difference, and if nothing else, a hell of a long range relationship.

Arriving in the SGC gate room, I see - part of - SG-1 waiting for me. Daniel, Jack, and Teal'c, but where is my Sammie?

"Hello, Jacob." Jack greets me. "The General is with out 'esteemed guests' and couldn't leave them, so it fell to us to greet you." He looks with some suspicion at my two companions. "Hello. We've met you before, haven't we?"

"Affirmative, when you visited the Tok'ra tunnels. I am Martouf." He half-bows in that funny little greeting the Tok'ra do. Selmak snorts at me and seems to think I should be doing the same.

"So, you've met. That's good. This is Aldwin." I indicated the Tok'ra on my other side. "Where's Sam?"

"Uh, yeah, she's in the infirmary." Daniel tells me, looking somewhat uncertain.

"Is Samantha sick? Has something happened to her?" Martouf asks, nervously, before I have a chance to say anything.

What do you know, maybe Selmak is right and he's interested in my daughter in a more than friendly way! I better keep an eye on him! Right now I am too worried about Sam to concern myself with that, though. "What's wrong with her? Is she wounded?" I demand.

"No...she's giving birth." Jack reluctantly informs us.

"WHAT!" I exclaim. I notice a noise from Martouf as well and look at him. He looks shocked - and unhappy. Striken. So I am right - he _likes_ her, and obviously don't appreciate this proof she's with someone else. I look to Aldwin, and sees that he has a neutral, but curious expression.

Selmak notes that Sam's only been on Earth for 7 1/2 month, so if the child is getting born after the normal time, she must have been 1 1/2 month along in her pregnancy when she came to Earth.

And she didn't tell me! Doesn't she trust her old man? Then I focus on the vastly more important point - this means a _Tok'ra_ likely knocked her up! Selmak agrees - and it worries her. I catch something about genetic memory.

"I want to see her, immediately." I tell Jack and the others.

"We'll see what Janet says."

"I would like to talk with Samantha as well." Martouf says. "I wish to know if she is well." He looks to be in a better mood now, strangely.

" _Samantha_...I didn't think Sam let anyone call her that." Daniel says.

"Why are you so interested in Carter?"

Martouf blushes and shyly looks down. All of a sudden it hits me. Selmak agrees. He is the father! He slept with my little girl!

"Martouf, kree!" I tell him, angrily.

I see his eyes flash as he looks up. So Lantash has taken over, feeling better prepared to face my wrath, no doubt.

" **The child is almost certainly mine."** He says. **"After the initial surprise, we made the calculation.** "

"WHAT!" Jack exclaims. Daniel and Teal'c makes surprised sounds as well.


	15. Chapter 15

  


A/N: I use Gerim as the name for Aldwin's symbiote - I've seen others use it, but I'm not sure if it's canon or not.

* * *

Martouf POV.

We've just stepped through the Tau'ri chaapa'ai. Lantash and I are very excited - and nervous. We look forward to seeing Samantha again, but what if she doesn't want anything to do with us? It's been a long time since we saw here and the life of a Tau'ri is short, so perhaps she has given up on us and found someone else?

Lantash tells me she seemed interested and that we were just fools not to see it. He's right, but I still think my worry is valid. He worries too, secretly. He just tries to act self-assured - typically him, thinking it will hurt less that way.

She did leave those 'tags' for us, I consider, feeling for them in our pocket. It is all we have from her. She accepted the necklace, so that is a good sign also.

I take a deep breath and look around me. Beside me are Selmak and his host Jacob - the father of Samantha - I have talked with Jacob and tried to get more information about his daughter. Trying to be subtle, so not to make him worry. Lantash scoffs - I guess I'm not good at subtle.

On the other side of Selmak is Aldwin. He looks a bit nervous too, but then he's the shy type - almost as bad as his symbiote. I don't want to think what would have happened to Gerim if he had been a Goa'uld! Lantash and I both laugh at the thought - a Goa'uld hiding behind his host and trying to make the world think he's a god. No, that wouldn't work.

We are underground, in a sort of grey-walled facility. Sensible - the Tok'ra also sometimes keep the chaapa'ai underground. The grey walls are a bit dull, though.

I look at the Tau'ri waiting for us - they're all in uniforms like the one Samantha and her team wore when they came through that first time. I see her team-mates, but she isn't here. I wonder why?

I feel worried. Is she sick? Injured? Dead? Or have decided she doesn't want anything to do with the Tok'ra?

Lantash tells me not to be so negative.

I greet the assembled Tau'ri politely and introduce myself - they remember me. Selmak introduces Aldwin, then he asks for his daughter. Good, I guess it's better he be the one to do so.

The one called Daniel tells us she's in the infirmary. I think I remember Samantha using that name for their healer's rooms. Panick stricked me and I can't stop myself from asking.

"Is Samantha sick? Has something happened to her?"

Jacob gives me a strange look. Well, I can be worried for a friend, can't I! He quickly forget about, though, turning to the Tau'ri, demanding to know what's wrong with Samantha.

"No...she's giving birth." Jack reluctantly informs us.

I gasp in shock. She's taken another mate - immediately after returning probably, and now has his child. I feel devastated. Angry. Confused. Lantash is berating himself and me for our stupidity in leaving on a mission without talking to Samantha first.

I vaguely hear Jacob exclaim something then demand to see his daughter. I just feel like returning to the tunnels. Lantash is trying to get my attention with something, though.

~ **Martouf - is not the human gestation period 9 months?~**

~Yes?~

~ **If you withdraw 9 months from today we get about the time when we went to Marloon with Samantha - and you know what happened then. Actually, she didn't return to the Tau'ri until 7 1/2 months ago, so the child is likely to have been conceived in the tunnels - and if someone else had been with Samantha we would surely have been told. The Tok'ra can't keep something like that secret.~**

~So the child is likely ours...~

I feel overwhelmed. My head spins. I don't know how to react. I think I'm happy? I do feel better.

"I would like to talk with Samantha as well." I tell them. "I wish to know if she is well."

" _Samantha_...I didn't think Sam let anyone call her that." Daniel says.

"Why are you so interested in Carter?" That one called O'Neill demands - I don't think he approves of me.

I don't know what to tell them, and feel myself blush. I look down, hating myself for reacting like this.

"Martouf, kree!" Jacob demand.

Lantash takes over to answer, holding his head defiantly.

" **The child is almost certainly mine."** He says. **"After the initial surprise, we made the calculation.** "

"WHAT!" Jack exclaims. Daniel and Teal'c makes surprised sounds as well.

I think this meeting with the Tau'ri has just become more complicated. If it wasn't for Lantash, I think I would get a headache.

They do agree to take us to this 'infirmary', though, to see if someone called Doctor Fraiser will allow us to see Samantha. As we walk there, I can feel their looks on my back, the air feels cold - it's as if all of them are angry with me. Lantash wants to yell at them, but I insist on having control. Soon we will hopefully see our Samantha - and our child. How strange it sounds!

  



	16. Chapter 16

Janet POV.

"Janet..." One of the nurses call. "There's some people who'd like to come in."

"Tell them later - we're busy in here!" What do these people think?

"They insist!"

Annoyed, I go to check. I estimate it will be less than 30 minutes before Sam's kid is born, so this is _not_ a good time disturb. I pop my head out the door.

"What is it?" I glare at Daniel and O'Neill, they at least should know better.

* * *

I go to Sam.

"Who is it?" She asks.

"Sam, it's your team-mates and your dad - and another Tok'ra I don't know - a young one, calling himself Martouf. They all insist on coming in here. I told your team to take a hike, and I have a feeling you don't want your dad in here either - but what about that Martouf fellow?" I notice how Sam react to the name.

"He...I don't know." She confesses. "He's the father, so I suppose..."

"If you don't feel comfortable with having him in here, then I'll tell him to come back later - however, you do need to talk to him sometime."

Sam nods. "Ok, then. Let...let Martouf in." She closes her eyes and leans back, as I leave to the door.

I have only just told them what she said, when Sam cries out as another strong contraction hits her.

The young Tok'ra named Martouf pushes me aside, his eyes flashing and hurries inside. I hear him ask Samantha if she is allright, worried.

I glare at the other men waiting outside and tell them they have to wait, then close the door and goes to see how Sam is doing. I see the worried young Tok'ra beside her, holding some sort of glowing device. I have no idea what it is, but I am quite sure he's not going to harm her.

I need to get him to scrub and change!

* * *

Sam's POV.

I am tired but happy. My child is born. It is a boy, and he is strong and healthy. He looks a lot like Martouf, but with very deep blue eyes, more like mine. I don't know if they will change later, as I think this happens often. I kinda hope he will get the same eye colour as Martouf.

Martouf - or perhaps Lantash - is holding him right now, looking ecstatic and as if he doesn't believe what is happening. I can't blame him. He's taken it well, this suddenly learning he's a father. I didn't have anything to worry about. Lantash seems as happy as his host.

I am a little worried at the thought of meeting my dad - and Selmak. And the other Tok'ra. Everyone, I guess. I suppose they've all been told now. Janet is keeping them out, but I'll have to see at least dad and my team soon.

I wonder if my son got Tok'ra genetic memory, or if that only happens to be transferred sometimes? Martouf and Lantash hasn't mentioned it, but I guess they have more than enough on their minds right now.

Janet comes up to me.

"You feeling up to meeting you dad and your team-mates?"

"Yeah, I guess..." I say, feeling I need to get his over with. I look to Lantash and he leans in and give me a kiss.

"We'll be here for you."

He helps me to sit up again. I am really feeling tired, but at least I am no longer sore. Lantash and Martouf used a healing device on me, so I am fully healed up already. One more advantage to having a Tok'ra boyfriend... _boyfriends_.

Dad comes in first, my team-mates waving at me from the door. Dad smiles at me, but he sends Lantash a very hard look.

" **Jacob, meet your grandson.** " Lantash says, refusing to surrender under dad's gaze. Impressive.

Dad gently takes the child and his expression immediately turns softer. "Hi little fella - welcome to the Carter family." He almost cooes. He turns to me. "You've done good with him, Sam. I hope all will be well." He hands the child back to Lantash with some reluctance.

" **I love your daughter, Jacob, and so does Martouf...you need not worry.** " Lantash informs him. " **My intentions are, as you say, honourable...** "

Dad snorts. "I will speak with you and Martouf later."

"Calm down, dad. They've been good friends and very helpful and supportive while I stayed with the Tok'ra. They didn't know about the child until now, so they can hardly be blamed for not being with me during the pregnancy." I smile at Lantash. "Besides, I do love them." I take Lantash's hand and he entwines our fingers.

Dad bows his head and Selmak takes over. " **That is all well and good - and I do not disapprove. I think you will make good mates for each other.** "

"Dad does."

" **He'll come around. I'll make sure of it.** " Selmak promises, giving me a soft smile. Then she looks more grave again. " **However, you may have acted prematurely by having a child - it will have Lantash's genetic memory. We have no experience how this will affect a human child - hopefully it will be no worse for him than for a symbiote, but he will grow up knowing about Goa'uld atrocities. He will never be an innocent in the Galaxy, as human children otherwise have the luck to be. He will almost certainly wish to join the Tok'ra when he grows up - Egeria's...** _ **programming**_ **of all her decendants will assure that. However, what will make the Council most concerned is the risk of him being captured by the Goa'uld and made a host or otherwise forced to give up the knowledge about the Tok'ra he is born with. The Council will be...very unhappy.** "

" **The Council need not worry. We will look after him - he is** _ **our**_ **responsibility. Not theirs.** " Lantash declared.

"Do we even know if he _got_ the genetic memory? I mean if you know so little about this?" I demand.

Selmak sighs. " **There is very little known about this, it is true. The Goa'uld forbids the creation of harcesis'es - children of two hosts - but your son has only one host as parent. There are only rumours of this happening a long time ago, but it would seem the genetic memory is always transferred. That** _ **is**_ **why it is forbidden, as the Goa'uld does not wish...mere humans...to have their knowledge.** "

"But, as you're so fond of saying, you're not Goa'uld! So you don't have laws against it, do you?"

" **No...the Tok'ra have no laws against it - it is however considered dangerous because, as I said before, the Goa'uld could take the child and make him a host, and get to Tok'ra secrets.** "

"We'll protect him. There's a lot of things the Goa'uld want. It doesn't mean they're going to have it."

Selmak nods. " **True. I will argue your point for the other members of the Council. For now, a healer will come and scan the child, to determine that he actually does have the genetic memory.** "


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Some discussion about the children of hosts getting DNA from the symbiote as well. It's canon that they do get some - that's what _genetic_ memory is. However, after watching the episode with Shifu again I can't help but notice the child looks nothing like either Sha're or Apophis's host, so he must have gotten some of his traits from the symbiotes. If DNA for genetic memeory can get into the semen etc. then why not DNA for other things, like eye colour, size, personality...? Maybe it just manifests differently in humans?

* * *

I have had a visit from my team-mates, who seems to be more accepting suddenly. Even O'Neill is surprisingly nice when he saw the child - he likes children. I have eaten and slept a little after nursing the child. Martouf and Lantash are looking after him.

When I wake up I feel much better.

"You are more rested?" Martouf asks.

"Yes." I smile at him, then smile at our son, sleeping in the small bed beside mine.

He nods. "Good." He seems to consider something. "The healer - Jukhra - was here, together with your doctor Fraiser. Juhkra scanned our son."

"Yes...?" I ask, feeling worried.

"He has inherited Lantash's genetic memory - among other things. Approximately 10% of his code of life...I believe Doctor Fraiser called it DNA? is from Lantash."

I look to our son, to see if I can spot fins or something. "10%? Isn't that - um - unusual? I mean, how did that even happen?"

"According to the healer, it was to be expected. Neither Lantash nor I knew about this, though. Do you mind?"

I think for a moment. "No. No I guess...I kinda like that. I love both of you. It's only right the child should have both of you as fathers."

Martouf smiles widely. "I am glad - and I agree. Lantash is very pleased."

"Has the Council said anything?"

"No. Do not expect anything from them so quickly. They have decided to focus on the alliance with your people first. That seems to be going well."

I nod. Then think of other more pleasant things. "Do you have any suggestions for a name for the child?"

"My people do not name children until they are 3 months old - the Tok'ra pick their names themselves."

"I take that to be a 'no'." I grin.

Martouf dips his head and Lantash looks up. " **I would like to suggest the name Sajan. It means 'loved one'...it is also the name of a man who provided the code of life...** _ **DNA**_ **for several of Egeria's youngest clutches. Mine included.** "

"So...your dad?"

" **In a manner of speaking. Yes.** "

I think it over for a moment. "It's a good name. I like it." I gently caress our son. "Sajan."

* * *

It's almost a week later. The Tok'ra Council have finished their negotiations with Earth, and a tentative alliance treaty have been signed. My dad will be liasion to the Tok'ra and live there with them, of course.

Martouf and Lantash are currently talking with the Council, trying to convince them he should be allowed to be the Tok'ra representative to Earth, and stay there, at least some of the time. I'm not sure they're happy about the idea, but it would also be to their advantage to have someone living with us, and working with us.

Another issue is our son. The Council was _not_ happy. To put it mildly. However, there isn't anything they can do - they are not Goa'uld and will not harm him, of course.

If we are allowed to go to Earth, the NID might be a problem. All depending on how the treaty with the Tok'ra turns out, I guess. As much as I want to go live on Earth, I also don't want the NID to poke and prod at my child.

I am sitting in Martouf's quarters right now, waiting for him. Sajan is fussing a little, but is otherwise calm. I wonder when the Tok'ra genetic memories will awaken? Lantash says it happens gradually in symbiotes, with things like the knowledge of Goa'uld and such coming almost immediately, with most of the actual memories not being accessible until what would amount to their early teens. He says it gives very bad nightmares when it happens - making him happy he grew up in a lake with siblings and older Tok'ra to look after him, instead of alone in a Jaffa.

I hope the timescale will be the same in a - mostly - human. The healers don't think the memories can be blocked safely - it is an actual part of Sajan's DNA, so unless extreme care is taken it could harm him in other ways. They have tried - and failed - to block the memories in Goa'uld, in order to see if they could be turned Tok'ra. Apparently only the queens have that kind of control, and can control the memories of their offspring.

I think the healers also find the idea of blocking Tok'ra genetic memory to be abhorrent. It's their legacy from Egeria, one of the things that guarantees they are who they are, even if some of it is unpleasant and gave them bad dreams when they were children.

I lift my head as Martouf enters. He looks happy, so it must have gone well.

"Samantha...Sajan..." He smiles. "We will be allowed to live on the Tau'ri, at least for a period of time. For now, we will be stationed there most of the time, for a period of 5 years. We will report to them once a month."

"Wow! That's much better than I would have expected!"

He nods. "Yes, apparently they agreed it would be useful to have someone work with the Tau'ri, and learn about them - and to speak our side of things to your people. Of course, it doesn't harm having Selmak on the Council - she spoke in my favour."

"I'm glad. Hopefully it will mean our peoples will work together better in the future, after the somewhat bumpy beginning to the relationship."

That could describe not just the start of the relationship between Earth and the Tok'ra, but also between Martouf/Lantash and myself. Well, all seems to be turning out for the best.

"I hope so as well. I believe the Council also finds Earth is a safer place for Sajan while he is small. They have made it very clear that they consider Sajan to be 'Tok'ra by birth' and a grandchild of Egeria - which means that they will consider it a direct attack on the Tok'ra if the NID or other factions on Earth attempts to capture him, experiment on him, or harm him in any way. He should be safe."

I feel very relieved. "That is wonderful! I would have always worried about that otherwise. I need to thank the Council!" I smile, happy.

Martouf nods. "Lantash and I are relieved as well. We would not have been able to feel safe on Earth - and certainly not leaving our son there while going on missions - if we did not have that assurance." He looks at me, seriously. "Samantha...while we will be allowed to stay on Earth for 5 years, I do not believe we should be expected to be allowed to be away from the tunnels for more than that - and we will likely be expected to go on some missions for the Tok'ra even during that time. The Tok'ra need all their people."

"I understand - and I may consider living with the Tok'ra at some point - so perhaps moving there in 5 years would not be so bad. You do have a lot of interesting technology I can work on - and some of your scientists became good friends of mine." I put our now sleeping son down in his small bed which we have brought here.

"Good. I am glad." Martouf smiles a little, then bows his head.

"Lantash?" I ask.

" **Yes...Samantha...there is something else.** " He looks very unsure.

"What is it?"

" **I know you said you never would become a host again, after...after Jolinar...** "

"You want to know if I have, uh, changed my mind? If I think I may one day agree to it?"

" **Yes. Please understand that we in no wish to pressure you - and the Tok'ra will also agree to let you live here unblended...however, Martouf and I love you very much, and while we realise it is selfish, we would like to keep you for longer than the short time a Tau'ri lives.** "

My first thought is to tell him I will never be a host again, but then I think again. I do not answer immediately. I can see how it must feel for them. If I do not blend, I will die from old age while Martouf is as young as he is today. Lantash, of course, will be young for many thousands years yet.

I suddenly think about how it must be to see your loved one age and die, while to you, only a small fraction of your life has passed. It must be very painful. I feel sorry for Lantash - I can see why he would want me to take a symbiote. Even if it only adds centuries to my life, it is something. Better. And the symbiote would love as I, and so that love would continue - like I carry Jolinar's feelings.

A symbiote would also carry her emotions on, so I can certainly see there are many reasons for them to want me to blend.

But how do I feel about it? Can I tolerate it? To be honest, I am not angry at Jolinar anymore - and I must admit I am sometimes jealous of the deep, close friendship I see between Martouf and Lantash - and between many of the other Tok'ra. My dad seems to be getting along well with Selmak now as well.

So, to be honest, I guess my answer will have to be - maybe.

"I cannot say for certain. Perhaps. I promise I will think about it. Maybe - when we move to the tunnels? If we are still together in 5 years."

" **Thank you for considering it, at least.** " Lantash looks concerned. " **Why would we not be together in 5 years?** "

"I...guess it's because I have never believed in true love and happily ever after. I am a scientist - I do love you, and I believe I will continue to do so..." I shrug, helplessly.

" **The Tau'ri do not love for life?** " Lantash looks both concerned and uncomprehending.

I look at him. Honestly I cannot imagine a day where I will not love him and Martouf. I throw my arms around him and hug him to me tightly.

"It's not as common as I suspect it is among the Tok'ra - but I am certain I will always love you, my sweeties." I mumble against his ear, kissing it. "And to be honest, I think I will want to be a host, then. I'm not going to want to leave you before I absolutely have to."

He nods, happily and reciprocates. " **Thank you, my Samantha.** " He looks very relieved.

We sit beside each other, holding each other close and looking at our son. I suddenly feel certain it will all be well. Together we will get through _any_ problems.


End file.
